GillybeanG

Boys are confusing
2003-10-25 04:56:31 (UTC)

When we know we're not happy here

I don't know what to do...I don't know how to make myself
happy here anymore. I mean I'm not unhappy all the time.
Just about 2 or 3 times a week or more it seems lately...I
just want to be able to have a good time here and finish
out the year on good terms. I just wish I could do that.
It's barely even the end of first semester and I already
want to stop being here. I wish I had planned this year
out better. But I guess I didn't know that I would be
unhappy... I could always spend a semester back at home.
But I don't think that would make me any happier. I think
that would be worse because I hate suffolk so much and I
don't want to be one of those people who live there all
the time and go back all the time. I just wish there was a
way for me to get away from everything. I don't even know
whats wrong with me.I want to be happy, I want to have
fun...it just seems like I don't know how anymore. I just
don't feel like I belong anywhere here. I always feel like
the 3rd wheel in every sense. Its even worse now that my
roomate has a boyfriend basically. All my best friends
have boyfriends except for me. So that really gets me down
a lot lately. I mean its bad enough when nobody has a
boyfriend, but when everyone has one, I just get so down
on myself and everyone else. Even though I try to just be
happy for them, I just get so jealous so I can never
really be genuinely happy for them. Especially with my
roomate's situation...because she is dating a guy that I
kinda liked and could see myself with. So that just makes
everything worse and I just want to get away, but I have
no place to go and I'm just going crazy! I just want to
get away!




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