just a normal life
2003-10-24 02:11:01 (UTC)


Steve emailed me! and he left me a couple messages on my
phone! haha he must feel bad! that makes me feel kinda
bad... I didn't mean to make him feel bad about it! But at
least he's talking to me again! lol

I really like this song by FM Static
maybe if i took a little time to talk then she'd heal a
little if she wants to... she can run but lets teach her
how to walk away
now i'll shake a little if she wants to she'll laugh a
little if she needs to. theres a key to the door that
she's hiding behind

aw geeez. okay well today Julianne found out that Kara
asked me to go on spring break with her this year, which i
still really far away. And I haven't really even thought
about it that much and i just mentioned it to my parents
last night... and I don't knwo I guess I didn't really
think about it that much because last year I know Julianne
was really upset... but I thought it was just because of
the fact that I was going with Mandy.

Because before Mandy asked me to go, Kara asked me to
go... but I never told her a for sure answer and then
Mandy asked me... and I wouldn't have to buy a plane
ticket to go with Mandy. So I went with Mandy. Plus me and
Mandy are better friends than me and Kara. But I didn't
think that Julianne was upset last year when she found out
that Kara asked me to go with her.

But now she's upset... and I can totally understand why. I
just wish I would have thought about it before I like
talked to my parents about it and everything. I just feel
really bad now cuz I don't know what to do! I mean now
that Julianne knows there's talk of it... she already
feels like crap basically because she thinks that like
Kara and Mandy chose me over her... which really sucks and
I don't like that at all... and so now either way... I
mean I know Julianne will be less lonely over Spring
Break if I don't go... but then she'll also know the whole
time that I could be in Florida with Kara. And then Kara
will have no one to go with and I'll feel really bad about
it cuz she keeps asking me about this and she really wants
me to go with her and last year she wanted me to and I
feel kinda bad cuz i told her I couldn't go cuz of the
plane ride and then I went with Mandy. And then she had to
find someone else to go with and this year if I don't go
with her I don't know who she'll take.

But now I reallllllly don't know what to do! and its not
even Christmas break yet and so now its going to be like
this overhanging thing for a long time and AH! gosh I
don't freaking know what to do. and I think I should talk
to Kara about it and tell her I might not be able to go
but I'll feel really bad if I tell her its cuz of Julianne
cuz then she'll probly be kinda like grr Julianne thats
not fair cuz now I have to go by myself ya know. And I
don't want to make it out to seem like Julianne's fault or
anything cuz its not! Its mine! like always!

Gosh I just don't know what I'm going to do! I'll feel so
bad doing this to Julianne again! But I'm gonna feel
really bad telling Kara I can't go with her! Plus it would
be so much fun! But considering I went with Mandy last
year I just feel horrible if I did it again this year! ya
know! so maybe I shouldn't! But I don't knwo what to tell
Kara! and I don't know! I mean I know it's probably best
if I dont go... I just wish I would have thought about it
more before it was out in the open... because if I
would've told Kara I couldn't go before Julianne found
out... then she wouldn't have to know and she wouldn't
have to feel like a second choice type thing.

MAN i hate no win situations!

Okay well I dont even know what to do gosh I'm giving
myself a headache... I need to figure out something. I
wish I had the answer to these kind of problems! Actually
I wish these kind of problems never came up. But its life,
of course they come up. lol I just pray God helps me make
the right decision here! I hope that I'm not too blind to
see the right decision!

Ya know if I was a guy... this wouldn't even matter... cuz
guys don't really care about things like this! or at least
I don't think they do... but who am I to say I guess! lol

Okay thats enough for one night! Godbless!!

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