Cowgirl_Mom

Ramblings of a Mom
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2003-10-23 11:59:18 (UTC)

I'm excited, yet bummed...

Well, here it is, it's Thursday finally and after my son
gets out of school and my mom gets off of work, we are
heading to the beach. We have to wait for my mom so that
we can go to my grandparent's house to borrow one of their
Suburbans for my son and I. My car is a 1990 and not
travel-worthy, so we are borrowing one of my grandparent's
and leaving my car here for my husband. I'm excited, a
little stressed (to have everything done by then) but then
on the other hand, I'm kinda bummed that we can't make this
a 'family affair' with my husband.
Speaking of him, we've hit a bit of a patch. As I have
mentioned before we haven't 'slept together' in over a
couple of months now. Usually he's the one complaining
about not getting any, but it's me right now. When I
brought it up the other day, he tells me that because of
the baby and my pregnancy and me saying that I am sore or
hurting or whatever, he doesn't want to ask for sex on top
of it all. The problem is, he'll cuddle with the dog and
barely touch me or hug a cat, but not me. Hey! I want
attention too, ya know? I know that he has been working
really long hours lately.
He came home 'early' the other day (about 4:30 pm) only to
tell me that he had to leave at 2:30 am the next day
because they had another deck pour. So, when I tried to be
near him, as well as my son, and he yelled at my son, we
left the room and didn't deal with him the rest of the
night. So then he asks me to take a nap during the day so
that I won't be so bitchy at night! Excuse me, but I'm not
the only one being bitchy! Then, last night he came home
(after 14 hours of working) and he was fine with my son but
cranky with me. His statement to me was "Look, I've had
breakfast, no lunch, and I'm tired." From that I was to
understand, even though it was two hours early, get up and
fix dinner, NOW! And when I tried to talk to him in the
bedroom, he told me, I'm in a mood, okay? I got upset and
I guess my son felt it because he started hovering around
me rather than hanging out in his playroom.
This gave me no room to cry, vent, or otherwise deal with
my hurt feelings. I didn't want my son to know that
anything was wrong, because he worries about me, so I had
to bottle it up and pray that he didn't notice. So then
I'd get short-tempered with him and my husband (when I cut
my finger and went to the bathroom to doctor it) asked me
what his problem was. I told him that he didn't have a
problem, it was his mother. So he asked me what was wrong
with me and I wouldn't answer him. What good would it do?
The problem with me was him! I am leaving today for 4 days
and I thought that he would put forth a little effort to be
a little closer to me, my son, and the baby before we left,
but he had no interest.
He did, however, make an effort this morning to be nicer
and I could tell that it was starting to get to him that we
were leaving him here again (the last time was when we went
to CA without him and I was hospitalized because of the
baby). After I returned from taking my son to the bus
stop, he had been sitting in his truck, with it running,
until I got back. Then he even got out of the truck,
kissed and hugged me good-bye a few times and told me to
have a good time and be safe. I told him this morning that
it turns out that my parents will be in the same hotel as
ours after all (they were going to be 4.5 miles away) so I
think that that helps him some to know that someone is near
us rather than being alone in a 'strange' town.
I know he means well, he's just not good at that whole
display of affection thing, but I just wish that he would
understand that my son and I need it and so will his baby
when it gets here in January. Right now the closest one to
this baby is my son. He talks to it almost daily. My
husband was so cool this morning when my son came to say
good-bye to him before he left for school, he hugged him so
much, he lifted him right off of the ground (he weighs over
63 pounds and is over 4 feet tall). Just hoping that he
would do these things a little bit more often, rather than
just when we are separating for a while.
Well, gotta run, lots to do in a little bit of time! Later.


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