just a normal life
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2003-10-23 03:16:13 (UTC)

and the Son will bring you back hooomme (it doesn't have anything to do with my entry really... just a good song! )


alright thats a good song and i like it bbyyyyyyyyyyy i'm
jaded stupid and reckless not sorrry and i'l never regret
alright i'm done lol... gosh i love that song though. Go
Mest! lol okay

okay so its been a while... since the last time... james
winkler ended asking me to homecoming... and then eric
hines asked me the next day... lol.. but i went with james
and we had a good time... and then he kinda ditched me at
the end which i later found out was because he went and
danced with his ex girlfriend... then asked her out and
gave her a kiss... and then came back and found me and we
left... and he didn't even tell me.. and this is the girl
that i originally told him he should go to homecoming with
because he broke up with her and she still wanted to go
with him to homecoming since it was so close and all...
but no... lol okay but i'm over that now cuz its been a

Mandy went to h.c. with Erik Vogel and now theyre going
out... and i feel soo bad but i just can't help but be
scared he's going to use her! He just hasn't had the best
history with girls! and he's not the most virgin child...
and Mandy just tends to be one to give in to those kinds
of things, I'm not sure why, but she does. And I just
don't want her to go to far with him and i ESPECIALLY
don't want him to be just using her! I mean I'm sure he
does really like her and they're cute together! They
really are so I hope that I'm just being paranoid... yea

Okay Steve from Sky Harbor!!! Poor guy hurt himself! thats
what ya get for jumping off amps i guess! lol just
joking ... but i haven't gotten to talk to him in a while
and like I knew he was really busy and all... but being
the person I am... I was just like... well most likely he
just doesn't really care to talk to me anymore... which is
obviously understandable! I mean he probly meets soooo
many girls on the road and everything and why would he
really care to talk to me!? I have no idea... so of course
Julianne has to get to the bottom of things... so she
called him up and left him a message and she talked to him
later online and now i feel bad cuz he said he's been
super busy and...
Jujubea2: but he was like
Jujubea2: or i said something but she understands and just
kindve accepted that you were busy
Jujubea2: and he goes nahh i shouldve called her its my bad
Sammyjeans57: aww gosh i feel so bad now!

Alright but anywayz. I think I might make my diary
unpublic... cuz its basically stupid especially right
now... these are just like a summary of so many things
that have happened that no one would know what iw as even
talking about unless they knew me or i wrote more often. I
guess i'm just kind of bored right now... usually I write
in my actual journal rather than type in this one... maybe
it has something to do with the fact that I feel like
people can actually read this one and it prevents me from
being 100% myself and saying exactly what I want. I don't
know it shouldn't matter I guess.

I don't understand myself sometimes. I just don't know why
its so hard for me to be myself around even my friends a
lot of times! Not like I try hard to be someone I'm not...
but I'm just very reserved and quiet... even around some
of the people that i've been friends with for like a
couple years now. I feel like we're friends ... but not
like we should be because I don't open up to people. Its
just like hard for me to open up to anyone unless its like
a one on one thing... or just like a couple people... but
when all of our friends hang out... its mostly not the
real me.. its the reserved... watch everyone else talk me.
and I wish I could change it... but I almost feel like its
too late now cuz this is how I've been for so long. I love
being myself though! Its so much fun! And then people
usually end up thinking I'm a little crazy... but ina good
way... cuz me and Julianne are a lot alike... its just
that she doesn't mind attention being drawn to her... so
she's like that all the time... but I don't really like
people to notice me all that much...

Wow I make no sense... my brain is messed up. I should
stop... hold on lets figure this out. I like attention to
be drawn to me... but I don't like to draw it to myself...
does that make sense? I don't want a lot of attention. But
I definately don't want to like draw attention to myself.
I don't like to do that... it makes me uncomfortable or
something. So therefore, I end up being a more reserved
version of myself. But maybe thats just how I am and that
is me being me! What am I talking about! I'm gonna stop
now! lol okay God loves He is sooooo amazing! I re-
realized that today when i was sweeping the stable. And
that song came on that was written about sept. 11th! Gosh
I love that song! But it just reminds me that no matter
what you're going through and no matter what the world is
going through! He's always there! and He's got it under
control! and He saves!!! and He loves!!! and He makes me
love!!! and with Him... I would be a totally different
person! I would have no real reason to stay true to the
values that I try to hold on to! And I wouldn't feel this
joy inside me that keeps me going and that helps me to be
to other people what i would want them to be to me... it
helps... I still screw up A LOT! but yea. Alright now i'm
really done! Godbless!!!

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