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2003-10-23 03:08:24 (UTC)


sitting here at the parents house watching yankee game. its
clemens' last outing as a starting pitcher. i got a little
emotional watching the pregame, as it was a montage of his
last twenty years pitching....
he got off to a rocky start... i yelled at the tv "you are a
hollow reed roger!" andy says youre weird, sara... i make a
sound as the opposing pitcher comes out, a guy named carl
pavano and andy says to his friend on the phone "my sister
thinks someone is hot/" he knows me so well. funny.
i feel manicky and weird and this is because i am hormonal.
had another good day at work, very busy felt like i was
running around like a madwoman explaining compare and
contrast and the importance and construction of a thesis
statement to 25 eighteen year olds for a good four hours. my
office hours afterwards was mobbed. and after that i had
another hour with a private student. at this point of the
day my hormones had started to kick in and i felt like a dog
in heat. i really did want to rub myself all over anything.
it felt like even the pressure of my jeans between my legs
was making me nuts. i was thinking all sorts of things. a
girl walked by with an especially poofy ass and i wanted to
rub myself all over that too. i had even taken 5 minutes to
get myself off before i left for work... this was after a
shower too andthat usually cools me off but not this time.
so im watching this game and wanting to kiss those pretty
lips of that pitcher and laying on the couch and thinking of
waking up in the morning, rolling over and wrapping my arms
around marco and hearing him say my name (as i degenerate
from dog in heat to mush)

they just took clemens out. he ended his last game with a
strikeout. they are in florida, not even in new york and
everyone stood up , gave him a standing ovation as he walked
off, the opposing team came outof the dugout to clap for
him. god i cant imagine... not doing anymore what you have
done for your whole life.... i wonder if ill tell my kids "i
saw roger clemens pitch all the time" and i wonder if it
will be like saying you were around in the days of mickey
mantly, joe dimaggio, whitey ford... probably not. those
days are over. baseball was different back then. maybe you
knew you were seeing history at every game.

now im all teary eyed.... see this manic and emotion isnt
the same as previous recent times. im aware that im
overtired and insanely horny and about to get the period and
im all fine with a lovely day and a string of lovely days
and regardless i feel my head is nice and secure and clear
with only a few clouds on my shoulders.
seems like drama with m. is over for now.... nothing was
realy such a big deal anyway and i think it was my fault.
oversensitive me. but its ok. its ok. haha : )

BOTH my parents are home tonight. my grandma is in delaware
with her sister again so there has been no cooking going on
in this house... so my mother decides to come home for once
and actually cook dinner. my father also stayed home for the
occasion and we all actually sat down and ate dinner
together and watched the baseball game and chatted a little
and i honestly cant remember the last time thats happened.
years, literally.

i cant wait to get off and sleep, i feel like i cant
properly think until i get some sort of release here. i used
to be a real pain in the ass to chris, hed be so sleepy
after sex, and i usually come a few times, and espeically
get horny again after post coital bed time and id make him
get me off again and when hed drift to sleep id threaten to
keep a vibrator at his place to satisfy myself... sad
really if you think about it.... masturbating when there is
that person right next to you...

im tired horny tired and in a silly mood....
also cant wait to drift to sleep and hold one of my
softfluffy pillows and pretend its m.
even sometimes in the middle of the night i wake up, reach
for my pillow, sleepily pretend its his chest, go back to
ok enough mush
im gonna go watch this ninth inning...

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