The Nine Faces of Dave
2003-10-22 06:42:42 (UTC)

even pinball doesn't make my whole day

By all accounts, today should have been a good day. I had a
big breakfast, got a shower, did ok on my CS quiz, and also
managed to beat my previous best on the pinball machine. My
top score is now a little over 439 million. That high score
list is so close I can smell it.

For some reason, though, I'm finding myself feeling bad come
the end of the day. The strange thing is, nothing is really
bothering me right now. My roommate situation is improving,
since he's liable to move soon. I'm still doing well in my
classes. And my social situation isn't an active bother.

So I've got some general malaise, brought on by who fucking
knows what, the root of which I can't find. It may pass in
the next day or two. If it doesn't, I'll have to find some
sort of solution.

I guess there's always University Counseling Services, but I
really don't want to be back in that mess again. I suppose
there's some benefit to be gained from that sort of thing,
but I don't know when I'd do it, and I don't know what all I
would be seeking to accomplish. Now it was helpful back in
the spring, when I felt like shit and was stuck reliving the
fucking past. But now I don't have a well-defined problem,
so I'd basically be firing blind and pissing away those free
sessions I might need next semester.

Then again, maybe I do have reason to go. I know that I was
a little disappointed in the social benefits from exercising
so much, and maybe that is what's really getting to me, even
if I don't want to admit it. It's like "Hey, can't they see
how great I feel?"

At any rate, I'll see how things are once I get some sleep.
Somehow I have a feeling they'll be a lot better.

This is Dave, signing off.