daccn

I am not a clerk
2003-10-20 03:57:48 (UTC)

a strong impression

So, I have a little story to tell. In an entry a few months
back called "The Student," I detailed my experience briefly
dating a Political Science graduate student. I ended up
telling him (in person) that I didn't think things would
work out between us, and (to his credit) he made a graceful
exit from my personal life and my e-mail inbox.

Or so I thought. Last week I was suprised to receive an
email from him, completely out of the blue, requesting a
small computer-related favour. He asked so graciously, and
his request was so well-written, that I thought there would
be no harm in performing it, as a peacemaking gesture
(after all, we're both mature adults, correct?). We met
briefly on campus, and parted amicably. I thought that
would be the end of it - and I was pleased, because I
thought it meant that I wouldn't have to worry about what I
would say if I accidentally ran into him on campus.

The following day, however, I received another e-mail
asking me out. I decided, given that my feelings toward him
(or lack thereof) were unchanged, that it would be best to
politely and tactfully decline. I told him that I was a)
busy that evening (which I was), b) casually seeing someone
else (also true) and c) generally too exhausted with my
program to get excited about dating (true as well, despite
point b).

Perhaps I was not quite direct enough, because I received a
very long, emotionally charged reply about how he thought I
was perfect for him, how he would have difficulty
being "just a friend," and how things could have gone
better between us if he'd tried a different approach. He
concluded by suggesting we try dating again when the
semester concludes in december. I was not expecting such a
reply and am a bit taken aback by the whole thing.

I don't know what to write to him now. It would be unkind
and dishonest of me, I think, to keep him in suspense for
two months when I am nearly certain that things would end
the same way as they did in June. So, I need to decline him
again, stirring up all the guilt and sadness I felt back in
June.

Perhaps this is why some girls feel the need to give guys
the cold shoulder all the time, even if they're
nice/inoffensive. Anything less direct could be construed
as an invitation to simply "be persistent." So much for
peacemaking - why do we have to make things so difficult
for ourselves?

James is still despondent about his "pillar of support" who
proposed marriage to him last year but this summer decided
she didn't want to commit. She says she loves him but
hasn't spoken to him in a month. He wonders if it's because
he's not attractive enough, sensitive enough, experienced
enough. It's a sad situation - he's still attached to this
girl who seems to be simply stringing him along without
care.

Relationships are so depressing. I don't think I want to be
anyone's girlfriend right now. Something about having that
label applied to me makes me distinctly uneasy. It always
sounds so dismissive. Ah, well.




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