Erin

My Diary
2003-10-20 02:12:29 (UTC)

Saturday

I went over to John's at around nooon and we hung for a
couple hours, then we went to the mall and I bought some
pants and a cell phone battery. Then we went back to his
house for a little while. John didn't kiss me at all. I
was grateful, cuz I prob. would have kissed him back, even
though I shouldn't... it's just habit to want to kiss
him... I dunno. He's really sweet to me.. he's being
really nice about it. When Mike called while we were on
our way back, he was a bit upset cuz he said it just hurts
for him to see it, but he offered to let me call Mike at
his house. I was just like noo it's ok. Sooo, I had
arealllly nice time with John. I feel a lot better about
him now. Well, then I hung out with Mike. We went to the
bowling alley. We stayed in his car for a looong time. We
made out, and he felt me up a little bit... he wanted to
do more I think, but I wasn't comfortable with it. I
already felt like a slut.. I can't say that I wasn't
enjoying myself though. It's just weird cuz it's only been
a week. I asked him if he had said anything like "erin
wants me so bad, she doesnt like john anymore, she's all
over me" cuz John told me that he had said that, but he
said that he didn't. I dont think that John would
intentionally lie to me, so either John misinterpreted
something, or Mike was lying to me. I really want to be
able to trust Mike.... butt I dont reallly know what he
wants with me.. I really hope he's not just after me for
sexual reasons. I can't telll, I don't him that well yet
really... We've hung out a lot though, and I have fun with
him. I just didn't like hanging out with Bryan and Dave
after they'd been smoking.... I wish that I could hang out
with just Mike.. I dunno.. I realllly hope that mike
actually likes me... I'm really worried about that. I
really dont know.. i wish taht I could talk to mike right
now.. or see him or something.. I dunno.. i have such
awful mood swings. I talked to him online a little bit
earlier, but i wasn't in a good mood........ it didn't go
well from my perspective... sigh. I just dont want people
to think i'm a slut.. cuz mike doesn't exactly keep things
quiet... grr... I'm talking to evan mcdaniels. he's a
pretty nice guy.. seems to be.. he's helping me out a bit.
welll i'm done.




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