lindsay ann

somewhere in between
2003-10-18 21:59:56 (UTC)

guilty pleasure...

it's true. i get joy out of the sickest things in life...and i don't even
mean gross, dirty, sexual, perverted if that's what you're
looking for, you've come to the wrong place. but i absolutely thrive
when i'm getting myself into a really messed-up situation...not that i
am. but looking back, i'm pretty messed up.

i just finished that second traveling pants's a doozy...i was
near tears at least a dozen times, but i don't feel like getting
wrapped up in anything right now...i feel kind of distant...and i was
looking at one of my old journals, and it drives me wild to see how
psychotic i was. i'm still psychotic, of course...but luckily for most
people, i've been somewhat limited in the things i can destroy right
now. i don't know...if you know me well, you know that my favorite
song is "only happy when it rains"...i tend to look at things in a
pretty jaded light.

the other day, someone at school was saying that looking back is a
waste of time, and that we can't have regrets...we have to live in
the present moment with our present circumstances...but it's so
much easier to learn things if you look don't know
anything about yourself if you don't know where you've been..i
guess i still haven't mastered not living in the past.