Guava

kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
2003-10-18 04:19:11 (UTC)

Argh!

I am currently sitting here trying to beat the game Hexic.
It's from zone.com. Chris is nowhere in sight since I told
him John was coming for the weekend. Turns out John isn't
going to come because he has other things to do at home
this
weekend.

I am cool with him not coming, I just wish there were more
people around to talk to. Pierre and I were talking, but I
wasn't really holding up my end of the talking so he got
offline. I don't blame him and I truely am sorry for sort
of ignoring him the last week.

It's like ever since I met Chris I've been ignoring people.
I was talking to Cal earlier and kept going on and on
about
Chris. It's like he really might be a replacement for
Dave.
At least someone to talk to when I can't talk to Dave. I
kinda mentioned that idea to Pierre last night and he said
he had been thinking the same thing.

There is a big and very real difference though. Dave is
120
miles away and wouldn't let me do something crazy. Chris
is
like 10 blocks away and would totally be willing to do
crazy
stuff with me. Stuff we shouldn't do. He is totally cool
with open relationships.

He said his wife wasn't into the whole open relationship
thing before she went to Europe for 3 months. He didn't
say
if she is willing to do it now.

A part of me hopes that maybe I'll run into Chris in person
soon. Another part of me is freaked out by that. It would
be so easy for us to run into eachother since we take
classes in the same building. I know I will clam up and
not
be able to make full sentences when I do see him.

I guess I want to get it over with. I want to get all the
wierd stuff out of the way and simply have a friend I can
talk to and maybe hang out with on campus.

I got drunk last night. It had nothing to do with Chris
and
everything to do with Dave. Cal and I were talking about
Dave and Elissa. We both hate her guts for what he has
become since they started dating.

He is in a depressed funk, but he won't let us know that.
He has made comments to both cal and I that make us think
he
is not happy with his life. I can't come out and accuse
him
of not being happy because those are fighting words. He
could get pissed off at me and not talk to me for a long
time.

Pierre says I should let him come to me. Let Dave tell me
what is wrong in his own time. I can't seem to do that
though. I feel like Dave is shutting me out and he won't
come around and talk to me.

He is honestly scaring me right now. I had no idea that he
was doing stuff that made Cal super worried. That is what
has me scared. He isn't talking to either of us. I wanted
to tell him today that he is worrying me, but I didn't get
a
chance. He was in a meeting when I talked to him this
morning. He didn't tell me till we'd talked for like 5
minutes...typical him.

Anway, I am sitting here waiting for Chris to e-mail me
back
or get online. I don't think e-mailing him crossed any
wierd lines or anything. That is what I am hoping at
least.
I hope he doesn't read too much into it. Like that I am
dying to get together with him this weekend. Because truth
be told I am not planning that.

I do not need a freak out fest for a weekend! And I know I
would freak if we hung out.