Arcenciel05

Notebook scribbles
2003-10-16 21:57:43 (UTC)

No one knows

I haven't heard from T. I can't understand why she wouldn't
reply to my email. I also don't understand how this could
be any indication of how I feel about her. I cried about it
yesterday. I'm done crying. I really don't think that I've
done anything to warrant such distrust. Especially since
when I went home I was sick and had no voice for a bit and
then I had to deal with all my home drama. I trusted my
friend to look after my stuff. He also lost my new stereo
that had one of my favorite CDs in it. He offered to pay me
back and I told him it's my fault for leaving all that
stuff with him but I wanted the painting back because that
was priceless. I guess that shit doesn't really matter in
the end because some people just expect the worst. Does it
matter that I have a drawing that she did for my birthday
hanging up over my desk or that the picture of me and her
at graduation is in a frame and that I tell people about
her all the time? Apparently that's worth nothing. My
feelings don't matter either.Sometimes I wish I didn't
care. Sometimes I want to say who gives a shit and give up.
Cause clearly I'm not supposed to care. Whatever. Getting
frustrated about it really isn't going to get me anywhere.
I really can't believe that after being best friends for so
long this is what it takes to cause issues. What faith.
Awesome.
On another note, I think I did ok on my Arab-Israeli
Conflict Exam. Today was a nutso day as usual. I'm really
scared about ROTC. I have to go in for conseling with like
two different people next week. That's not cool. I also
have this letter from collections about my medical bills in
April. Life is really throwing some shit at me. All I can
do it take out the Lysol and disinfect.




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