Self harming dyke
Teaching... and learning
I am still doing OK at school... had the three days in
school this week and it went really well.
Yesterday I went to GP after school to see if there was
anything I could do about my (lack of) sleeping. Apparently
I just have to put up with it, and double the dose of
sleeping pills if they are not working.
Well, that's OK. I didn't expect much more to be able to be
done about that anyway. I really saw GP to try to sort out
my situation with not having psych since mine left. He did
a referral but I have not heard back and therefore have not
had any care for some time.
I should explain. When I returned from living in (and being
hospitalised in) Belgium last November, I decided to do the
PGCE but thought I really needed to sort out some kind of
MH care before that and thought, well I have 9 months to
sort this so even the crapness of UK mental Health Services
would be able to help me in that time. One serious od and
many cuts later I got an assessment. And eventually got a
psychiatrist. Who saw me 3 times between December and
August. Who diagnosed me as having Borderline Personality
Disorder (grrrrrrrrrr) and said I would have a care plan
and who promised to arrange for me to see a nutritionalist
to sort my eating probs and who arranged for me to see a
psychologist for an assessment for DBT. I never had a care
plan meeting, I never saw a nutritionalist and the
psychologist said I would benefit greatly from DBT but I
couldn't have it if I studied the PGCE cos the course was
too time-consuming for me to be able to make it to the DBT
The psych was really helpful for my parents when he saw
them though... :~*
He left in August and told me this the week before he left.
He referred me to a psych in the area I am now living (8
miles from where I was living before). I had not heard back
from this one. My old psych also said I could stay
registered with my GP and I did not need to re-register in
the area I am now living as I would still be in the
So, yesterday I saw the GP.
I was told that I could not remain permanently registered
with them because I now live outside their catchment area.
They cannot therefore arrange referrals for me.
Worst bit... The psych my old one had referred me to had
written to my GP (not me...) saying that they could not
offer me psych help because I was registered outside their
Basically, in order to get psych help now I have to
register with a new GP and then start the referral process
again with them. The last 10 months' work to sort my care
out has been pointless and I am no further forward.
I went home and cried my eyes out. I have been dropped yet
again and they didn't even copy me into the letter.
I am 26 years old. I am trying my hardest to function and
become a teacher. I have tried so hard to find a way to get
my MH sorted. But a fundamental decision was made about me
and my mental healthcare and I was not told. I feel like I
am being treated like a child with no rights. Like I am not
worthy of being told these things. And because I did not
have a care plan I have no say, I have no rights and I have
no-one to say "Hang on, this is wrong".
I am so upset and I just want to curl up. And cut cut cut.
But I know that I can't. I have to function. I have to
avoid cutting and od-ing and doing anything "wrong" because
if I do, I will not be able to continue with my course.
I was also told by the GP that the crisis team was
contacted for me the other month because the hospital
wanted me to be admitted but they didn't have enough beds.
If I cut or od and need hospital treatment again, I am
likely to be sectioned, in which case I will never be a
I feel a bit lost.
Sorry, needed to rant.