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2003-10-16 00:12:55 (UTC)

all the world is all i am...

the black of the blackest ocean
and that tear in your hand
all the world is danglin, danglin, danglin for me darlin
you don't know the power that you have
with that tear in your hand...


what is the world trying to do to me? cold weather? what
the fuck. every time theres a cold chill in the air i get
so delusional. i honestly feel like i should be calling
and saying "hey honey so what are our plans tonight youre
staying at my place right blahablahblah" like it takes me
back to this frame of mind that is like... i cant take
it. im out of my mind.

besides that i love this weather. but its painful.

so matt kicks ass. i went out to smoke this morning and
mike (my boss) came out and i said hey! i wanted to talk
to you... im thinking of leaving my other job blahblahblah
and hes all "Yeah, Matt asked if you were available more
hours because he said we could really use you more often."
how fucking cool is that!! im not attracted to the kid but
he got some cool points for that... i was so excited.
tasha quit broder brothers. blah. im probably guna work
the rest of this week and next to get a little money, i
should pay matthew back for my books and stuf and buy a new
system for my car, then i'll just have school and my cool

oh god. richards little brother is all. so you wana hang
out tonight. NO!! not at all. way too weird.

i didnt get my bloodwork results. ugh. im so nervous.
but not as nervous as i'll be at the ultrasounds, since
ive been saying for years theres something really wrong.


idontavertmyeyes [7:54 PM]: you NEED TO
LaDiDaGrl [7:54 PM]: yeah.
idontavertmyeyes [7:54 PM]: no
idontavertmyeyes [7:54 PM]: i decided.
idontavertmyeyes [7:54 PM]: =)
idontavertmyeyes [7:54 PM]: it would be in your best
idontavertmyeyes [7:54 PM]: (and mine)
idontavertmyeyes [7:54 PM]: =)
LaDiDaGrl [7:54 PM]: aww
LaDiDaGrl [7:55 PM]: im po'
idontavertmyeyes [7:55 PM]: really like. i was thinking
about it. and i was like. i fucking hate everyone. who dont
i hate? who could i deal with on an everyday basis that
would like it here?
idontavertmyeyes [7:55 PM]: and i was like ADRIENNE. DUH
idontavertmyeyes [7:55 PM]: =)
idontavertmyeyes [7:55 PM]: oh whatever you have like 6
jobs or something
LaDiDaGrl [7:55 PM]: not in tampa!
idontavertmyeyes [7:56 PM]: well GET NEW ONES.
idontavertmyeyes [7:56 PM]: what if i look!
idontavertmyeyes [7:56 PM]: i can be all alli about this
LaDiDaGrl [8:00 PM]: i dont know. i know i cant do it in
the spring its too soon.
idontavertmyeyes [8:01 PM]: hm well what about starting
here in the summer?
LaDiDaGrl [8:01 PM]: yeah that might work if i am done
with my AA and have enough money saved
idontavertmyeyes [8:02 PM]: yeah i know i was like WHO DO
idontavertmyeyes [8:03 PM]: i thought a lot about it
today actually.
idontavertmyeyes [8:03 PM]: lol.
idontavertmyeyes [8:04 PM]: it started with, who colud i
spend the rest of my life with? because you know i want to
get married and all. and i was like. hm. adrienne. but i
couldnt ever live with her cuz her mom would kill me. and i
had all these happy thoughs about making you coffee and
waking up to you. and taking care of you. and you
decorating. and making arty stuff. and me on the couch with
a beer. and us making dinner together.
idontavertmyeyes [8:05 PM]: yes. lots of thoughts.
LaDiDaGrl [8:05 PM]: yes we'd be the cutest.
LaDiDaGrl [8:06 PM]: we WILL be the cutest.
idontavertmyeyes [8:07 PM]: =)
idontavertmyeyes [8:07 PM]: hehe.
idontavertmyeyes [8:07 PM]: i could be with you forever i
think. cuz. weve been doing this for 5 years already.
whatever it is we do.

i got a text from her this afternoon at work. "you need to
move to tampa. i'll make you coffee every morning and kiss
you on your forehead" haha. wouldnt that be nice.

i hope caroline got her job... and i hope the dumb bitch
mysteriously disappeared from the face of the planet.

im guna call my aunt tonight. i need to talk to family.
not my mother. and im guna see if she wants to see either
Ani or Rent when they're in Indiana. i'll fly up and we
could bond. my style bonding.

i have to get the tickets for Claudias birthday.. and
figure out if im going to North Carolina at the end of the
month. maybe nows not the time to be quitting a job.

i think im guna take a walk. alone with the puppy. do
some thinking.

cutting my hands up every time i touch you

maybe maybe it's time to wave goodbye now
time to wave goodbye now

caught a ride with the moon
i know i know you well, well better than i used to
haze all clouded up my mind
in the daze of the why it could've never been.....

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