[T]'s Demon World
2003-10-15 23:09:55 (UTC)

all crap. ALWAYS crap

might as well write a quick entry before i go to bed. it's
about 12:15am, and once again i am bored out of my mind.
like that's a surprise. all my entries are the goddamn

i hate work i hate work i hate work i hate work i hate work

i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life

i hate this i hate that i hate you i hate me i hate love

stupid people have begun to avoid me. that's also not a

you know what i wish? what my huge goal is? TO WRITE A
GOOD just happen to me that i get to write about it, and
the whole entry is positive and all of these cool things
happening to me.. but no, of course that, because me having
a happy entry would just be wrong for the world. my co-
workers are once again pissing me off. "do this" "do
that" "you're doing that wrong" "wanna punch me? go ahead"
and i can't do ANYTHING about it, or i'll get suspended
again or just plain fired. then i'll be back pumping gas
for minimum wage which i really cannot afford right now,
with the rent jacked up and all. if i lose this job - then
really, that's it. the internet is gone, my computer is
sold, my guitar is sold, tv, everything, and all i have is
enough for necessities. food, rent, utilities, and me on my
couch (which i would probably have to sell, but it wouldn't
because it's a shitty couch)

why why why why why.. every night, i just lay awake
thinking of shit. i make a mental list of everything i hate
in my life, and then i attempt to make a mental list of
what i can do to improve my situation, and everything i
think of just isn't plausible, or i know i wouldn't do it.
or i'll make a plan to do something the next day, you know,
start it off optimistically, but then i'll wake up the next
morning and my arm will be hurting from the cuts and
that'll just remind me of the night before and what i was
thinking about then.

everyday, something new packs on. and it's work right now
that's stressing me out the most. I HATE IT. but as i said
above, if i quit, then that's it. so i'm just stuck in this
downward vortex of crap. i'll be doing this my whole life.

so bitter i am. oh well. this is just how i feel on a daily
basis, and if i want to repeat myself and write about it,
then i'm going to.