McKaY

McKayism: Everything, Anything & Nothing
2003-10-15 04:58:51 (UTC)

rough day

i'm burnt out. not only by the workloads i have to deal w/
at work it's also like a mental thing. i feel like i'm
brain dead now... well, more like my heart just died...
like vegetables but i can still move n stuff. it's just
depressing n have nothing more to say. "no matter how loud
the problem is said, the voice will still remind silent &
unheard." so really what diff does it make? guess it's
really time to step back. i'm speechless.

well, actually... i'm not really speechless. going back to
my rough day, it's just amazing how funked up the mta
system is n still have ny to have 40% of USA's mass
transit. let's count up how many mta bull crap i
encountered today...

1) morning, going to school - b49 to sheepshead Q to 68th
on 6 line
2) still morning, going to work - spring on 6 line
3) delivering proposal crap to 87th st - Q to 42nd for the
2 to 86th St
4) going back to school (here comes the "fun" part) -
waiting for the freakin C @ 86th, hopped onto the D b/c
it's taking forever for the C, got off at 7ave thinking i
can catch the E to 51st but caught the E back to 42nd.
walk to the 7 to go to grand central n hopped back onto the
6 to 68th.
5) going back home - waited for the 6 for 10 minutes, got
on, got off at canal. waiting for the Q, local came, crazy
packed. express Q not stopping. another express Q, crazy
packed. W. local Q n got on.

let's tally up how many hrs i spent on the mta today... i
wasted at least FOUR FREAKIN HOURS OF MY DAY IN THIS FUNKED
UP MTA SHIET!!!! WTH!?!?!??!?!

anyways, that's not the most pissy part... the pissy part
is i don't even know how the fuck (xcuse my french) i got
myself doing delivering crap when i'm suppose to be a
freakin "office manager." this crap is BULL
SHIETTTTTT!!!!!!! i really don't wanna say or think this
way but i guess the org really does know how to save their
freakin money while paying an "office manager" half of what
they'll have to pay for a messenger who only delievers
while this stupid office manager which basically have to do
all the shitty dirrty crap. guess they really want me to
leave angry than sad. WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel
like all those i've done, all those i've built n created,
someone can just come up n take or destroy it all w/in
seconds n think it's alright for them to do it. do i look
like i'm freakin easy to step all over?! THIS IS FUCKING
RIDICULUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think LOTS n LOTS of
ppl owe me apologies n "thank you's." screw you all, n
when i say all, I MEAN IT! if you think you didn't do any
faults to me, well think again, don't give me none of those
bull crap saying "no i didn't." ppl gotta learn ENOUGH IS
ENOUGH!!!

freakin knee hurts
freakin tired
freakin burnt out
i'm freakin hurt!!!!!!!!!
boi, i'm speechless now
it's pointless to say anything at all
I HATE BEING IGNORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and UNDERESTIMATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sigh, thnx to psych it actually distracted me from all
these anger for a good hr n half.

in the mood to cry, scream, yell, kill, hurt, change,
leave, die, and the likes.

i need my music to keep me sane.




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