Laur10355

If I Could Say What I Wanna Say...
2003-10-15 02:33:34 (UTC)

long time coming

i know i've thought before that i found something to hold
onto. or something that was worth the wait. but this time
is so different. i haven't wanted to say it, because it
scares me a little. i don't want to believe in something
and end up being wrong about it.

but i believe in him- and in us.

being with him makes me wish i had listened to everyone all
those times they told me that all i needed was a nice guy.
i didn't think i was the nice guy type. i thought i was a
little too wild for that.. that i needed someone that could
keep up with me, you know? it ends up all i really needed
was someone who could slow me down..

and that's exactly what he does. but he does it in a way
that that last thing he's trying to do is change me. i
mean, i just feel like he wouldn't change a single thing
about me. and its not like we're in some honeymood period
still, you know? we were friends before anything else, and
good friends- the more we got to know each other the more i
just got used to telling him everything. that's one of
those things i always wanted, to have a boyfriend that was
really more like your best friend. and that's just how he
is. no matter what happens, he's the first person i wanna
tell. i really can't imagine anything i couldn't say to
him. being around him feels so.. comfortable.

and like i said, i didn't think i was looking for something
comfortable. i really thought i would need
something "exciting", but i guess i've had more than enough
drama. i mean, matt connelly was pure drama, and there was
nothing fun about that. to be fair, there have been a few
moments when i think about how crazy that kid drove me and
almost miss the pure.. i don't know.. passion of it, the
uncontrollable chemisty, but to be honest.. i think i
finally outgrew all of that. i don't want big, dramatic
scenes anymore, i don't want overblown confessions of love,
i don't want to hear "i love you" as an excuse or apology.
actually, all i do want is exactly what i have.

an absolutely amazing guy. amazing in the kinda way where
he never hesitates to do things to make me happy. amazing
in that he knows so much about me and remembers every
little thing i ever tell him. amazing where i know he's
always on my side- even when i'm completely wrong. so
amazing that i understand for the first time what it means
to have someone bring out the best in you, so amazing that
i kinda start to miss him the minute he leaves. but what
might amazes me most is that after literally a lifetime of
not believing things can work out or that i can find a guy
like this, not only do i know that i've found a guy like
this, but i can actually believe that it's waht i've been
waiting for.

it's almost beyond words for me. i mean this is just- what
i always wanted. and it's so- i just- i really can't
describe it. it almost makes all of those days okay, you
know? all the ones that i cried and fought and felt so
kicked around and used up and hopeless. i didn't know it,
but this was waiting for me.

and i just thank god, i really do. what more can i say? i'm
falling in love and i'm feeling really, really lucky. it
should be too good to be true, but after all this time, it
finally is everything its promised to be.

where did i go right?




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