would the world stop spinning
2003-10-10 21:54:37 (UTC)

i riped my heart out....its worth my time

so point things on my mind right now... amungts the mist of
smaller less important things...
1) why is it so hard for people to open up? not ness. even
emotionally as much. why is it hard for people to say
exactly what they mean? i think of all the people in my
life,i am maybe the best at just letting things slip off my
tounge. i have no problem saying that i love someone or
that i hate them..or that they are absolutely gorgous.i'm
not afraid to say your outfit is horrid or you disgust me.
i figure why beat around the bush when it's not getting you
or the other person anywhere...tho i think i've gotten in
trouble a few times due to thing great mouth i have.
people are threatened b/c i can' say exactly how i feel
sometimes..... yeah some of the things i say suck,but they
are trueths.
i hate that i have people get mad at me for saying how i
feel about aften still..... well one day that person will
get to a point i'm at and understand it all completely...
after 2 years and alot of bullshit that we went through,
well that person kinda becomes part of your soul,your make
then i have a person made at me b/c they didn't wanna
listin to respect anything i said... well who's falt is
that..if you listined and actuallt heard a damn word i said
you might understand.
a person in my past angry b/c i couldn't stop talking about
how scared i was about things..well you not caring didn't
being scares as well doesn't help ether,but what am i to do
if you don't let me in on it??

2)why do people wanna out do each other on the tragidys of
life... like what you went through is any worse or better
than what i went through. yes your intire life will be full
of shit that shouldn't be going on... we all had to deal
with it.... it hurts all of us.... we all have to work it
out somehow and that it self is hard....but i'm dealing and
getting over it and making my life the way it needs to be
to what makes the things you are scared of
scarier, what makes your hard things harder?????
what makes you the kinda person who can work hard on
something and give up so easy on this or that...bc it
wasn't in your big plan? alot of things aren't going to be
in any plan book you'll have to make it part of
em,fit it in.

i still dont get what makes love so hard... since caela my
happy fairy tail love has been changed a lil bit...
i don't think i ever relized the possabilty of being with
someone and having to work so hard at it, and it failing
anyway. aften was a totally different story,we didnt have
problems in the begining... i've never felt so romeo and
juliette then when i'm with aften... we were like the star
crossed loves... our families would kill us now to know we
were even hanging out again. litteraly aften would be
thrown out on the street....
but she was the one that i thought i'd have for the rest of
my life... even when things were bad with us......
she scares the holy hell outta me now,i'm so afraid to get
close to her at all... she could so easily hurt me all over
again and it's not even the same anymore...there is no
relationship there to take away or whatever, but she could
rip my heart out and lay it on the table in front of me and
walk away and i'd just die all over again...all i'd need is
to hear those words again....
caela tho... she's like the girl i would never have
imainged. the girl ya kinda wonder about meeting...
i have nothing at all in common with her,but somehow she
was there and i didn't know what to do about it..... at
first to good to be true maybe? the distance,the small
things that started to come along,nothing to me.....
over such a small infraction she lost everything she held
in me and from that point it's been going away.... it
stings. to know that the one person i was finally open in
all ways with.... mentally...emotionally...didn't work any

this one is for you....

it's our time to shine through the down
glorified by what is ours
we've fallen in love
it was the best idea that i ever had.