purple star

Never once spoken
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2003-10-10 06:53:38 (UTC)

comparison

'i know where i stand' she says. 'the comparison brought
me there.' how does she know when shes being compared?
she doesnt. all she wants is to feel that she can be
open. thats all. all she wants is for her outsides to
match the feelings on her insides. shes always told that
she needs to love herself. how can she? when the
comparison is always there. staring at her. spitting on
her for being who she is. while other people would tell
her she is crazy to think such things, so as not to hurt
her. she knows. she knows what you think. she knows what
everyone else sees. how could anyone see it differently?
its impossible to see things as they appear not to be. its
clear to her, which certifies what they are. she is
nothing compared.
she feels so much she knows not what to do with it. how
can one person project everything they feel when they feel
like this? imagine your soul burning. your heart is
dying. all you project is you. what if its not good
enough? what then?
you can feel the tears, welling up inside. its over she
thinks. its over. hatred, jealousy, and most importantly
love. its over. love is gone, or was it never there? so
why does she wake up in the morning? what for? what does
she get up for? life. there is no life when all you want
to do is feel, but cant. without the substitution of
yellow, she is blue. upon injesting yellow, she is a beam
of sunshine. fake. fake. fake. fake. fake. fake.
fake. fake.
when will this be over? when will she feel like a person
again? all she feels now. is that she is the one who
makes everyone else feel better about themselves. she is
inhuman. and nothing within her reach will bring her to
feel she is a soul worth saving. perhaps its time to give
up the fight. maybe she should forget trying to save
herself. maybe her soul should reincarnate now. rather
than continue to live her life of anguish. perhaps its
time. for her soul to go on.


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