Angel

What I was to say

Remeber last time I wrothe in my diary and I said that
evertything was fine except this one thing? Well here it
goes..

As you probobly know by now, me and my boyfriend Tommy are
having sex. I started on the pill long time ago, yet before
we got tougether.
But there has been some complications with it, one make me
really sick and a nother gave me bleedings. But now I found
one that work on me.
Its like this with the pill, you dont realy get your
period, its just something that looks like it. And you can
chang your cyclys if you want to, for exsample if your
going on a swimming holiday anbd thinks it would be a bad
time for your period.
Well I was going to test this last thing, bleeding might
stil occur it said in the instructions, and guess what, it
did..
But the it all got better and my cyclus continued, -or at
least I thoght so.Then the time for the bleeding came agen,
but it diddnt!
I was like whats going on??
I tryed to calm my self, and when Tommy aksed I was
like, "everything is under conrtoll dear, if it dossent
come today it will tomorrow" iside I was not so sure about
it, had I fucked up my cyclys now, or was I.......
There is no one in this world who is more carefeull when it
comes to sex, birthcontroll and carefullness.
Im the one who is yelling on my friends when they are
uncarefull and tell them that this might cost them their
future if the dont start birth conrtoll now. I follow the
instrucions carefully and make sure everything is under
corntoll. But stil, acctidents happend, and what then?

I was in the study hall that day when I was waiting, my
phone was low on power but when I turned it on there was to
messages from Kelly: "do you have to go to the doctor first
go get a regrettpill" "borrow 10£ for a pill??"
I dont know the english word for it, but we have this pill
that we call a regretpill. That means that if you have sex
with out using pretecton you can take this pill and if
you`re nor pregnant by now, the pill make it so you wont be
eather, but if you allready are, the pill does nothing.
This is not the same as an abortionpill..

We arranged a meeting afther our classes. Tommy was at my
place so I was going to take the buss so he could pick me
up (thats one of the good things about having a boyfriens
with a car) Then my phone went totally out or power and I
could not phone or send messages to anyone.
I went to the place I was going meet Kelly, but she diddnt
appear, so I just took the bus back home.
The I got power for my phone, it turend out it was
diddicult for her to meet he then, so she had asked if we
could do it later, but I didnt get that message.

I walked around with Tommy at home, I didnt think all that
much what if Im pregnat, but the thought hit me sometimes I
admit.
I have always wanted children, but now is not a good time.
I want everything to be ready when Im going to be a mom. I
want a place to live, my own car, I want a education, some
job experience, a man who wants to be a father and monny to
pay the coasts.
I dont wanna spoil my future, I a baby now and not be able
to by any of the sweet babythings you see in stores and
that I always have dremamt of. Then you just become a
fulltime home mom, when all your friends are at scholl and
work, so thers is noone to talk to, so istead you sits home
in your messy place and watch daytime soaps, while your
child is crying in the room next dorr, but your to tired,
plus your are angry with the child for runing yoyr life.
Thats not going to be me, a wanna be a loving, caring mom,
but inteligent enguh to have her own life, so when shes
once in a while in a party with just adoltd she will have
other this to talk about than what shoe size her growing
child uses or how expencive dipers are. I wanna talk about
news, politicks and then show a picture of my beutifull
child:-)

But back to the story, I called Kelly, she had managed to
get the pill, she knew how it worked and that she might and
might not be pregnagt. But the luck has been in her favour
before, she`s been buing pregnacy tests and been down that
road before. She wants to be carefull, but he wont, he`s
not her boyfriend and has told her that if she get pregnant
its her problem.
You might think he is a fool afther reading this, I think
he`s stupid and unresponsible, if he wont have children why
dont wear a condom?
But the truh is that exept from this "little" thing, he is
verry, verry smart. He is on law school and in one for our
highest and most prestije persons in youth politics in the
country.
Kelly is also high up in poiltics, but not over him, he`s
the highest in this whole area in ther paty, and its a
verry big one. Thats where they meet, some of their friends
know about their "game", some more knew when she was in
love with him, and he wassnt, but she calms that thats over
now. I know it was, cause she was all into a nother person,
but now he got a girlfriend, and I think her feelings for
this first one came but, but she sais no.

In the evning me and Tommy went for a walk with our dogs,
then I feelt some pain in my lower stomach area, and yes it
was my period. Just a little bit late, but the important
thig is that it was there.
I didnt have to fix up the cyclus, I wasnt pregnat so I
didnt have the choise of killing my child or my future, I
can stil go to parties and talk about my self, the weather,
or music, the only thing in my life is not the prices of
electicity or what clothes is the best in bad weather.

Thank Good.

Angel