once again
2003-10-09 04:35:22 (UTC)

i need more towels...

My heart just got ripped out of my body again. Shawn has a
girlfriend. He told me he still was in love with me and
that one day we would be together and that we are meant for
each other and ...blah blah blah why do I even bother?
It's all the same bullshit I've been listening to for 4
years. I guess it's just the fact that he has a
girlfriend. I was to cry. I just don't want to be here.
I don't want any of this. I barely have friends. I go out
with people and end up making up a lie to go home a hour
later cuz i get all panicky.

Amica I want to call you, it's soo late there. I can't
call and I don't want to talk to Nicole about this cuz it's
all bullshit out of her mouth too. My heart feels like
it's bleeding out side of my body and there's not enough
towels in the world to clean it up. I just don't
understand. I thouhgt I had moved on but I guess I was
wrong. I didn't think I still had strong feelings for
him. I don't know what's going on with me and I am sitting
here wishing I was in Florida so I could have friends
again. But with the same token I hate that place. I just
wish I could meet someone who makes me forget everything in
my past and makes me happy. I don't wnat to be lonely
anyomre. I don't want to be sad I don't want any of this
anymore. I just don't get want I've done to deserve being
lonely and sad. I play by all the rules and always try to
do good and I get nothing. it's not fair anymore.