nin137

Nick's Journal
2003-10-06 23:25:14 (UTC)

Computer crashed kiss my ass

yeah so i have taken the burden off the stock market and
allowed the ritualistic crash to befall my computer.
luckily it is a hardware failure so there is absolutely no
chance of recovery, without paying some condescending asian
sixty bucks. sweet.
other than that i'm fine. i'm using ryan's computer, and
i'm sorting through my thoughts. like for example. waht
the fuck is up with these lotteries of coke? you know, you
twist of the cap it says, "fuck you play again" and you
do. everytime i buy a cherry coke (my drug of choice) i
anxiously twist off the cap with a premonition that i won't
win. well guess what? i won!!! i won 2 dozen krispy kreme
doughnuts (ahem abbie ;-) ) . and then i realized, all
this win really does is tell me how few friends i have.
cos other than abbie with whom am i really going to share 2
dozen krispy kreme doughnuts? sure i could give it to some
mexican but where's the self-respect in that? i mean all
the win does is tell me how few freinds i have.
anyhow, so i'm sitting in real estate finance, and i'm
looking around for hot girls (just glancing i swear) and i
happen on this guy who is pricking his face......i look
closer and i realize he's trying to pop a fucking big ass
zit on his face. you know those really big white ones that
are about as ripe as a fucking grape about to burst?
mmmmmm, so there he is at 8:04 am trying to inconspicuously
lyse the mother fucker. for a second i was stuck in awe-
struck horror, not believing the grosseness of the whole
situation. then i couldn't believe the imputence, i mean
jesus! how can you try and do that? then i figured i
couldn't say anything anyhow cos then i would look just as
disgusting.
so after that class i'm fucking tired as a bitch, just
wandering around in a dazed stupor and i enter a bathroom,
toodle my ass to the seat and then as i'm giving birth in
stall # 2 i think to myself......."shit...is this the men's
room?" truly i had no fucking idea!!! i hadn't seen any
urinals and i had just meandered into a restroom. i was
buggin' out real hard until some other guy came in.
man,i'm such a fucking case after my 8 am class.
then i sat around drinking coffee at burger king when i
thought about hwo shitty it must be to be filthy rich.
seriously think about it.....what does being filthy rich
entitle you to? it entitles you to skip the journey of
life and make every want/need into a destination. you
don't have to "travel" for a god-damn thing. i mean
consumption at your feet, but what is consumption? but a
relief from agitation of need/want. what good is
consumption if you never have to traverse the plight of
longing?
anyhow. i usually just sit on tuesdays and thursdays
thinking way too fucking much and i just try to cover up
the deep cut of loss with the bandage of lingering
memories. sigh. well, anyhow i thought up something
during my wistful wonderings.
......
if she were to just venture a smile in my direction, my
emotions would burst into a tumultous conundrum of
confusion.
the thought that my very presence should evoke a smile,
brings me unimaginable joy and gratitude. the flirtatious
smirk that accompanies her conversation is all too
fleeting, even though it lasts for an eternity in my mind.