The Mind of Tee La
2003-10-05 22:45:46 (UTC)


I can’t sleep. Regression is heartache. For it is now
2:16 on this lovely Sunday morning and I’m unfortunate
enough to still be awake. The reason behind my statement
involves the fact that for years I’ve been an insomniac,
trying desperately to change her nocturnal ways.
For a while I had been taking Ambien for my troubles.
Though soon realized that my doctor was a raving lunatic
for giving me such a powerful sleep aid. Oh yes, it was
great: it did indeed do its job well. Perhaps just a
little too well. I often found myself hallucinating.
Things that I thought were perfectly tangible were a mere
bout of insanity to my friends who were exposed to my
inappropriate behavior.
I feel horribly embarrassed about the way I abused the
one drug that actually put me to sleep. I found myself
feeling guilty about taking them and soon had two left over
for a few good months. I would never dare to fight off the
drug again; nor would I ever ask for Ambien again.
Anyway, it has taught me a very important lesson: DRUGS
COLOR, TEXTURE, ET CETERA! I think I may have gotten my
point across. Addiction is bad. And for those of you who
love drugs and cannot seem to break away and who are
commenting on how lame these beginning four paragraphs have
been, I feel sorry for you.
On with other topics that are floating about in my brain
at this given moment in time: Yes, relationships and all
that fuzzy, mushy stuff. I had a date tonight, although it
wasn’t really a date because my best friend had to act as
my bodyguard (whatever). It’s really difficult to have a
date with a best friend/nuisance hanging about. But I
really didn’t mind. I didn’t feel like we were hitting it
off anyway. No offense, because I know the one who I am
now talking about will eventually meander onto this site
and snoop. Yes, don’t feel ashamed. We all do it from
time to time. It’s only a part of human nature to be
fatally curious. Believe me, I feel really bad about it…
I am talking about being curious too, but most importantly
how sorry I am for leading Unknown Person on. I’m a strong
believer in emotion and intuition, and my heart is telling
me that this is not meant to be.
Most of you perceive me as elusive: never really letting
on my true feelings. When I do, people seem to veer away
as if they really don’t know what to expect from me next.
For instance: not many of you perceive me to be the type of
person to go around giving hugs and telling everyone that I
love them. True, I haven’t done this very often in the
past, and true, I’m not the type of person to go around
skipping all day baring a huge, loving smile upon my bright
and cheery face, but I’m not heartless and I do love my
friends and family a great deal. In fact lately it seems
to me that I’ve become the opposite of what I used to be;
the antisocial freak of human nature that dared not to love
or be loved in return. My motto as of right now; ALL YOU
NEED IS LOVE! (Too much Moulin Rouge may have everlasting
mushy effects, viewer judgment advised.)
Well here ends my allotment of various ponderings. I
leave you for now to dwell on the significance of my
seemingly pointless diary entry. Please enjoy and if you
have any questions, or would like to make a comment,
whether sweet, comical, evil, demented, horribly hateful,
mean, confused, annoyed, sad, mad… OH WHATEVER! YOU GET
THE POINT! Hehe. In any case, leave a message. I love to
learn what you people have to say. G’morning, and g’bye.

~Crazy friend to my journal: Tell it I said hi.

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