things running through my mind.
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2003-10-05 17:51:43 (UTC)

ya.. i kinda noticed that i..

ya.. i kinda noticed that i only write in this one when im
either really happy or depressed. And right now im
depressed ... like i am most of my life. Last night was my
cousins birthday party.. it was fun i guess everyone is
always littler then e.. soo i kinda dont like that.. but
then u can just not care about tryin to act like some one
ur not.. u can just act like "who cares" Ya.

I was lookin at the yearbook from the years b4 at foley and
it made me sad lookin at all the faces of the seniors.. and
thinking about last year and all the ppl i talked to and
how big the school seemed. How funny the seniors were. Then
i think of now. ya. that about says everything. This year
there is no fun to look forward to ne more. Im sick of our
grade and i know for a fact that i could never like ne one
in our grade. Then there is the sophs and they are cool i
mean m friends with them.. but also i could never like ne
of them. Then the seniors the great seniors who are sooo
immature and i use to like ricky but now, its just stupid
seeing how like ashley is already soo close to kevin and
w/e..how i use to just fell happy if he just gave me a hug.
I mean nuthin is ever gunna come out of that. Then there is
mike.. who still wont talk to me... w/e i kno nuthins gunna
come out of that i use to be shy and didnt believe it when
ppl told me.. and i didnt want to make a fool of my self
around him. But hey its been a year with out him ever
talking to me.. and i seriously dont care ne more. If he
wants to become my friend im open to it.. but .. he has to
make the first move thats it. Ya soo none of the seniors i
could ever like either.

Then there is other schools... kimball-ya i tried that.. i
cant get close nough to ne one to make them like me.. i
dunno kno y either i think its just my personality...?!?!

*dont take things for grant it.
- Lets see i have lots of examples.
- i never notice too until its gone and then all i do is
want it back.. but by then its too late i lost my chance.
1Chris king liked me.. and of course i didnt like him.. i
wouldnt call him i wouldnt go over his house when he asked
me. I just ignored him and wanted to become farther from
him..and just thought he would still like me.
2 Bryan pierce liked me he saw me at a bball game and he
thought i was hot and really wanted to get to know me.. but
no again i thought he woul just keep wantin me. I never
made nething of it. Now we dont talk ne more. I mean he use
to try and get me to hang out with him. not ne more.
3 k joe.. he use to im me first everyday, ask me to call
him ever weekend.. and i never did i was always too afraid.
Then i just thought we would last as friends like that. But
i guess not.. i treid to keep talking to him but he seemed
not to care ne more. I mean it was at least 2 months where
he would say hey call me if u wanna do sumthing or when he
hurt his ankle he sed u should come over and visit me.. but
no i was afraid for who knows wut reason and of course i
didnt realize it then.. that i was losing my chance of
gettin to know a get person.
-I kno im prob takin alot for grant like my family that i
dont care about, friends that im only friends with when i
want sumthing, The body and shape im in that im not always
gunna be in.. and i should b grateful for..but im not. Also
for mike liking me i mean how many ppl ahve ppl that like
them.. and wont talk to them.. and have liked them for a
year.. wouldnt someone just give up. I mean if i were him i
would be so depressed. Ikno cuz one of these days hes gunna
find sum one.. and then im gunna get pissed cuz its not me
ne more.

i need sumones help to know if i should try to talk to each
of thses ppl and get back on track.. or jsut let it go and
find new ppl ... im gunna start meetin new ppl in other
schools..so that i wont be soo depressed and i can have
more friends.That i will call.. i wanna start all over.

Wheres the reset button?