*MaNMaDeOFaSHes-

My Perfect Waste of Time
2003-10-02 22:52:15 (UTC)

Another Day at Junior Church

the cruel children call me a WOLF in school
because of my church, Word Of Life Fellowship
Outcasts in the community
a small community of our own
behind closed doors
protection from the outside world
Curled up in a ball
like a roly-poly is me
Struggling to keep my composure
As I bleed another lonely night away
With a vacuum in my stomach
Suck, suck, suck
My heart drops
A victim to your vampire logic
Fangs deeply planted in my brain
Drained, like those fangs are roots
That suck out every nutrient
Every happy thought
Everything I thought I knew
Is now wrong, wrong, wrong

Now in the corner
My parents brought me into
A fragile child in junior church
I wonder
Do my parents know what they are putting me through?
Every fucking Sunday
My only hope is to become numb someday
My arms aching, knees shaking
complimenting my exhausted body
Face buried in the corner
supporting most of the weight I carry
The textures walls leave my face mutilated
with criss-cross patterns
but these marks are only temporary
I think
as my small hands reach
somewhere in between my soft baby head
and heaven
Dressed up for the occasion
from my hair to my feet
sinking deeper into the corner
because my name is on the board
and because I know what happens here
is far from an end
The disapline is carried out to the parking lot
and then carried back home
because the church strongly encourages
parents to beat their children
The thought sends chills down my spine
every single time I realize
I’m thinking about a person I used to be
and I know that scared little boy is still a part of me
not a sad story or a movie
For me this was once living




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