Remember to Breathe
2003-10-01 02:43:09 (UTC)

30 days hath september...

Oh, dear, dear diary, fallouts with friends will be the
end of me. I can't believe that a guy can hold against
you the fact that you don't want to be his girlfriend, and
use that as a justifiable reason to not want to hang out
with me. Also, I am at the end of my self esteem rope
thanks to a girl I can't believe I once called a friend.
Just to give you a taste of what she said to cut me down,
I will use an example that will resonate through every
entry I've made in this damn journal. I mentioned that
one reason I did not enjoy being with her last Saturday
night was because she was sitting on Brett and hanging on
him. As soon as these words came out of my mouth, fire
came out of hers. "Oh my God, I can't believe you aren't
over him yet! He DOESN'T LIKE YOU! I asked him!" And at
that very moment, my heart sunk into my stomach and the
acid fed on it until I felt like throwing up. If she
wanted to hurt me, she did a fucking good job right there.
However, with one phone call to my mom, things came back
into perspective slightly. But apparently the key to
happiness lies in many things. My mom suggests
extracurricular activities in order to meet new people and
a boyfriend for compassion. I know she is right but that
stuff is much easier said than done. I know this sounds
really pathetic, but today I was thinking about my
birthday. Birthdays are a celebration, obviously, as well
as a holiday of sorts. No one should spend a holiday
alone and uncelebrated, but at this moment I feel that I
don't have people close enough to me to celebrate anything
with. I have just been so ridiculously down lately. I
don't want to blame it on people, or the time of year, or
the weather, but God, it's hard to think that this is all
my fault.

"Sitting on my ass at a gas station smoking a cigarette.
My feet are drenched in rain. I'm throwing in the towel."
-Kind of Like Spitting-
"We Got As Far As Minnesota"