Anne

9/28/03

I don't deserve to go sleep right now because I have not
done anything. I am to start training on Tuesday and
then at least I will have something to do. I am feeling
kind of bad today because zr is leaving NYC and going
back to MI. I have been talking and wanting to go back
for some time now. I am sad that he is not going to be
around and I am sad that he gets to go back and I don't.
I have chosen to be in a relationship and being in a
relationship involves sacrificing. If I were not in a
relationship with P of course I would have moved back
but I am so committed to my relationship and I can't
imagine my life without P. It just seems weird to have Z
leave. I feel like he is the last person in NY that
understands me and it sucks that I don't feel that way
about my fiance but in time I will. I just think he doesn't
get me yet but I am workign on it. I am being more
proactive about our relationship and the things I don't
like about it. For awhile I was just sitting back playing
the victim oh poor me noone understands me but in
reality I wasn't letting him in...giving him the chance. so
now I am letting him in and learnig things about him as
well.