Mercedes

you cant escape what makes you tragic
Ad 2:
2003-09-27 03:17:44 (UTC)

listening to tatu remixes

ahh man i'm startin to freak out again. i think i'm gonna
have a panic attack soon. i told chris but i think he maybe
just thinks i'm being dramatic. i'm not. maybe i should
have gone to mya tonight. oh well. there's always next
weekend. wow... i haven't written about my new friends yet.
how did that happen? anyways...

now i'm really close w/ joey. it never really occured to me
before that we would be. it's weird. also we met andrew,
suzie q, and alex in wayne. that's really weird, too.(well
not alex i met her the next day at the mall but w/e same
damn thing). i have the feeling like i'm looking through
the wrong side of the mirror. i see them, they see me, we
interact, but i still feel like i'm just watching from the
outside.

i talked w/ joanne about them. i asked her advice on what
to do, because really my biggest fear is that they are not
going to be a part of my life. all 4 of them just kind of
got thrown into my mix last weekend, we were together for
days. now it's going to happen again this weekend, and i
think we have plans next weekend as well. thats a lot of
time together. i barely know them, but it's easy for us to
open up to eachother. that's kind of nice, but at the same
it's really scary. joanne's advice was to just call them,
keep in touch, and then they will always be close. it's
easy to say, and they include me in lots of shit but like,
how did that happen?

i have a good time, they are the awesome-funny-impulsive-
honest-totally queer people i've always wanted to be bff's
with. like, ever since i was 12ish i wanted friends like
them to just cling to and now that i have it i just want to
be alone. well, i wanted both before, to be alone AND to
have that kind of connection, so now that i have one i
guess i just want the other. it would be a lot easier if
didn't have to go to school. then i could be alone durring
the week and get my social yaya's out on the weekend. thats
not ever going to happen. i'll always have something.
highschool, college, job... i'm always going to be around
other people all the time. i'm not sure i'm prepared for
that.
life is just so...hard. how can one person believe in both
extremes at the same time???


Ad:2