2003-09-26 04:16:02 (UTC)

i know you shine much brighter than i ever could...

...and im sorry that i made myself feel better by making
you feel never good enough, i know you shine much brighter
than i ever could... maybe that is why i was scared of
you, and in everything i do i'm still thinking of you, and
i know you were scared of me, but everytime i tried to
love you i just fell through...

can i stop now please

too much time tonight.. i should have gone to bed.. this is
why im scared to make the drive tomorrow, i havent had that
much time to myself to think and... everything reminds me
and im so angry about next week i could scream and im so
angry every time i see him for meeting me first and fucking
up so many years of my life and now all the sadness and
loneliness is just anger with myself and everything... GO
AWAY FROM ME... the anger and the memories and everything
just go away get it out of my fucking head why if theres
nothing i can do about it why then is it inside my mind all
know why im so angry about that because they already live
together whats new about it but its just infuriating to me
god DAMN IT and she said she was going to call me either
way tonight and of course she didnt and didnt even come
online WHY CANT I LET IT GO people when i try to explain to
them how the coldness and hatefulness is just the outside
they say "oh, i cant just turn it on and off like that,"
no, no i cant either thats not the FUCKING POINT... or it
IS the fucking point, either way, i cant turn it on and
off either or god knows i would FUCK IT i think this has
been just building up all week behind the busy-ness and
tired-ness so now. fuck it.
im so many things. angry and lonely and empty dont even
begin... im going.