Random Ramblings Of A Teenager
2003-09-25 01:41:16 (UTC)

It's been so long...

Wow... I completely forgot I even had this diary. I was
digging through my old bookmarks and came upon this. Image
me finding a document on my freshman year. I read through
it and I was so ignorant (not that I'm any better now). But
2 years is such a long time... yet it's so ammusing how
much I have and haven't changed. I still haven't been
kissed, yet it doesn't bother me as much now. Yes I want to
be kissed and yes there are a few guys I really would enjoy
being kissed by... but it's not my top priority. My
friends, my grades, having fun... it's all so much better.

In past enteries I spoke of how I was becoming more
social... It's funny to think that going out with friends
once every 2 weeks seemed like such a big deal than. Now
it's like there isn't a day that I'm not out doing
something: with friends, with a club, ect.

Another thing that is so much different are my friends. In
the past 2 years friendships have been broken, renewed, and
blossomed anew. Erin, Joanne, Karla... they all took a back
seat in my Sophomore life. I'm just beginning to reacquant
myself with some of them. Katy, Ellen, Katelyn, Jenny, Sam,
Ally, Ann... they all developed so much last year... yet
over the summer they became stale. Jason E., Jason G, Ryan
H, Loren, Lori... they all became wonder friends from the
class of 2003. I still talk to Jason & Jason... yet after
gradulation contact has decreased so much. I think the
biggest development is Nate. Over the summer we consantly
hanged with each other. Always driving around, goofing off,
having fun. But the biggest problem are the "feelings" I
have for him. He's probably my best friend, yet I can't
help but be attracked to him in some ways. And just knowing
how well we get along is just so unnerving. Cori, Matt,
Krista, Nicky... they've become so close whether they are
frosh or sophomores. I feel almost like a mentor to them in
so many ways... helping them out with the same problems I
had in the past 2 years of high school.

I mentioned earlier that guys are still a major role in my
life. Some are still familiar characters from the past and
some are new. And I get a kick on how I just can't get over
some of them. So lets just start naming them:
1.) Aaron... you know all about him. He's still funny and
I'm still attracked to him. But it slowly is becoming more
friendship than relationship.

2.) Kyle... after a year as a foreign exchange student he's
definately has changed. I still flirt with him... but he's
different. More shy, more reserved.

3.) Jason E... a freshman in college in Minnisoda. After
spending weeks with him in the play last year we really
kicked it off. He most certainly replace Kyle as him
flirtee in band last year. But since he's moved to St. Paul
I've only spoken to him 3 or 4 times. But he was definately
my biggest crush. I really fell for him last year.

4.) Nate... probably the worst crush a girl can have. A
best friend should never be attracted to the other. It
makes everything more complicated. But for the most part I
tend to push all feelings down when I'm with him... because
we're friends and that's how it should stay.

But enough about guys. That's not the only thing that has
changed. I"m so muc different now. My values are so
different now. 2 years ago I would have never dreamed of
going TPing. 'What if I got caught... Think of all the bad
things that could happen.' But now... the way I see it is
theese are the best years of my life. After high school I
will never have the same bonds as I do, the same
opportunities (whether TPing or going to underage drinking
parties). So I might as well live my life to the fullest
now. Enjoy what time I have and just live. Its funny how
unimportant getting that A on a English quiz seems once
you've lived.