polyester bride

The Blue of my Oblivion
2003-09-25 01:23:14 (UTC)

...and then the fog lifted

the fog is lifting for me.

over the summer nothing truly truly exciting happened so
there's no need to bore myself with details i've already
experienced. the most interesting thing i did was go to
guatemala. it was great, really tropical and exotic. yum.
but i missed everything about the u.s. food, tv, my room,
my posters, my computer, and for god's sake my language!

i've been back in school a bit over a month now, things
aren't different really, it's just like we never left for
summer we just bumped up a grade. some got taller, some got
tanner, some got haircuts, some let their hair grow out,
some got new "attatchments". i myself have stumbled upon a
guy who makes me so happy. somehow over the summer i
rediscovered myself, i found out who i really was and i
wasn't as bad as i thought i was. in fact, hey i kinda like
myself, i might stick around for a while.

so things are going smoothe for now, nothing
extraordinary's happened yet and i wait with close
anticipation for the exact moment when something entry-
worthy will happen. ah, the excitement of being a teenager
in louisiana.

i'd say my only paranoia would have to be the problems from
last year. the kids that tortured me. i'd never felt so
horrible before as i did around them. i actually wanted to
commit suicide because of this one group of kids. i cut
myself because they're remarks stuck in my head and echoed
off of my skull so much i couldn't stand it. i dunno if i
can put up with that this year...i think i'll combust if i
try...

it's wierd, being in this position. i know not everyone can
like me, but i didn't want EVERYONE to HATE me. i hate
being laughed at. i hate being made fun of for the
stupidest things. i'm a wierd person, i understand that.
but why do i have to be stuck in this damn culture of
cruelty? i'm at a loss here. society's cruel intentions.
damn.

when is it going to be my turn? when am i going to feel
like i belong here?




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