blueswede

guess i forgot about the extra weight

As of a phone call that came way too early this morning, I'm
officially out of students in my workshop section. I don't
rightly know what to do now; I'll probably talk to the head
undergrad TA about it. There will most likely be some late
joiners to my section, especially since one of the sections
is a bit overburdened. I'm still optimistic, but I'm scared
nonetheless. Que sera, sera.

My workload is still kind of overbearing, but I do think it
is doable. I'm going to have to bust my ass more than usual
over the next couple of weeks, and especially the next five
days. Having a CS project due within a week of the last one
is not the recipe for relaxation.

It appears that kendo will remain something worth doing, so
I'm happy about that. It's also very good exercise so far,
which is extremely beneficial given my limited time for the
other stuff I do, running and weights and all. Plus I think
it'll help to toughen me up, given the awkwardness of a few
of the drills we do.

My roommate and I are thinking about collaborating on a film
of sorts, as well as a bit of performance art. I'm thinking
we're handling a somewhat unwieldy sword here; the stuff we
have in mind could either make me an Internet celebrity and
cement his on-campus fame, or it could royally screw us over
and destroy any chances for social expansion. Of course, he
doesn't really give a shit.

And on the subject of social happenings, I'm now done being
particularly bummed by my recent failures in that arena. I
am, however, still bothered by the general trends.

This business with the girl on the bus (somehow that phrase
reminds me of Bernstein's story in "Citizen Kane") is one of
many such events that have happened throughout my life. So
why should this one have bothered me as much as it did?

I think it's because it was something of a throwback to the
days when I was still horribly out of shape and had an awful
self-image. And I'd like to think that those days are gone
for good. That was Old Dave, and New Dave is a lot faster,
lighter, and stronger. More importantly, the new me feels a
lot better about himself and his capabilities. And to some
extent, that could be part of the problem.

My confidence level increased dramatically in the last four
months, while I was home for summer. And in all honesty, I
don't think that gave me quite enough time to get used to it
(to say nothing for learning how to handle it). The result
is that I'm willing to take more chances, but I also expect
greater success than I've had in the past. Of course, this
is a somewhat unrealistic expectation, and I'm just starting
to realize that.

I guess I just feel so great physically that I forget about
still being 15-20 pounds overweight. I don't see myself as
a thin man by any means, but I do see myself as being strong
(which I am) and in pretty good condition (which I also am).

Unfortunately, the rest of the world doesn't see that, so to
people who didn't know me before, I'm still just a fat guy.
And yeah, I'm still kind of heavy, and I'm built quite a bit
on the stocky side. But that doesn't mean I'm slow or weak.

I guess I'll just have to outrun people thinner than myself
a few more times.

This is Dave, signing off