listen to my silences
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2003-09-23 04:14:12 (UTC)

crying all day

i talked to jamie a little bit about what went on. i feel
like she cares and that at least she listens.

i thought they all cared. but evidently i'm not important
enough to fit into the schedule of rehearsals. cosper said
he'd kept bringing it up but no one could make a commitment
to talk about it. i asked about coming to the next
rehearsal, but there's just too much to do during
rehearsals before they tour to talk about things at one
according to him.

i'm trying so hard to be okay.

jamie apologized to me. for her and the rest of the
group. she is the only one who has. i've missed our
friendship. i've always felt like i could talk to her
about anything and during this time i've had to keep
everything inside. but we talked a little and i'm so
relieved because now i can talk to her about the things
that have been going on. i missed that so much. thanks
jamie. you're right, the two of us have been able to make
it through anything and everything.

i met this guy at the jeff k-mart who's really nice. we've
hung out a couple of times, and it's been really good.
he's just an all-around good guy. i'm not looking for a
relationship, and he knows that i just got out of a serious
one. he hasn't acted like he expects anything out of me at
all. it's wonderful.

i'm watching letterman. dr. phil is on it. he just said
that "if you wait long enough, anyone can get laid." lol!!!

brandon came over today and we talked for four hours.
about a lot of things. it was really good. we didn't even
yell at each other or get mad at each other at all. that's
a first since we broke up.

i'm so tired. i've cried so much today, i don't even know
if i can anymore. so i'm numb now. my eyes are red and my
face is splotchy, but i feel better. richard gave me about
four hugs tonight. he was only over here for a few
minutes. he's just a really good guy. he makes me feel
good about myself like any good friend does.

nancy's been giving me only thirty two hours a week. and
she's giving all the new people forty. i understand they
have to train and get used to everything, but this is the
third week in a row. i think they're trained by now.

final thought: i'm a puzzle. please put me together.

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