JulietsSwanSong

Storming in my head
2003-09-21 07:46:25 (UTC)

Resilience

I reached one of the lowest lows in my life tonight.
Perhaps the lowest.

But I swear that there is something in me that there mut be
in all of us: this reaching from the depths of dark that
pleads me upward. I've never been in a hole so deep or dark
as I was tonight, when I wanted nothing but dark and
silence around me. I wanted to engulf around my own self so
many times that I disappeared. I wanted to fall through
something into another something and waste away into a
negative dimension, where the memories of everything
evaporate into moments that never began. I wanted to stop.

I felt myself in this and searched desperately for that
faith that I've spoken of. I wanted it with everything in
me. For as low as I was, I knew there had to be a way to
get out of it. I guess that's the thing that we all have:
buoyance. No matter how deep the black sea is beneath you,
there is always a way to float. Even when your nose is just
barely above the surface of the water, and eventually you
fill up wiht enough air to rise... and then you're flying
again, and you almost forget that there was a time when you
couldn't.

CREDITS
Thank you so much to the following people

Emily~ you're the coolest. I mean that... THE coolest, and
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Gurdeep~for being the most centered guy ever and a great
sounding board.

Jason~ just add water... instant inspiration! ;-)

Jason~ for being strong and making sense when I sure didn't
do either!

Laurienne~ giving me something to giggle at every second of
my life

Tobey Mcguire and Charlize Theron~ for starring in Cider
House Rules and letting me watch your stellar performances
and getting all mushy and heart warmed over them

My Little Bro Greg~ for being so gosh darn cute in his baby
pics that I could just eat him, MWAH!!! I'm so showing the
ones of him in diapers to his dates later!!!

Jesus~ I don't mean to put him so far at the bottom, but He
knows where He is in my heart. We had a little chat
earlier... I mean... not REALLY, I swear I'm not nuts...

My New Couch~ for giving me a place to ponder

Bruce~ my body pillow, always there for me to cling to...
wihtout arms. hehe O:-)

I think that's all. I will as always be sure to edit this
if i happen to think of more things :o)

Thank you for reading.

~Ellena





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