2003-09-19 04:02:08 (UTC)

I forget myself, I want you to remind me......

I love myself, I want you to love me
When I'm feeling down, I want you above me
I search myself, I want you to find me
I forget myself, I want you to remind me

You're the one who makes me come honey
You're the sun who makes me shine
When you're around I'm always laughing
I want to make you mine

I'm the one who makes you come running
I keep you coming all the time
When I'm around you're always begging
I want to make you mine

blah blah blah... it wasnt the best day.. i had class, and
straight to work, beautiful boy quit lol =(... good thing
probably, i've got enough going on.. i was so god awfully
tired by 4 in training, two of my piercings are infected
AGAIN, and i have this funny bump on my neck that hurts
like a bitch..

but then i came home! and watched friends!! and i got to
hang out with her!!! which was extra cool cus i didnt
expect to today. it makes me sad but so happy too. she
cut her hair, i didnt think i would like it but i do.
when it gets cold, man.. i think ive got it bad now. i wish
i could go back... and do things differently.. the right

but i cant. so for now. work and school. busy busy days
and sleepy nights. i'll have money soon, to go on a trip
with dawn. yay

talked to ashley tonight=) yay. i want to see you soon
here or there i dont care lol ew i rhymed

oh but i want to go back!! i look at her, at her big sweet
eyes and all i think is how much i adore her. i hate when
she leaves, especially when i dont know when i'll see her

the girls at work want to go to a strip club - male
strippers. gross. i might have to pass on that one. but
they like me! yay. lol... im such a dork. and im such a
lover- all these years pretending i was a hater..

LaDiDaGrl [12:11 AM]: my god what is it
LaDiDaGrl [12:11 AM]: why did you call me like 15 times
Narzissismus [12:12 AM]: whatever i wanted to talk to you
LaDiDaGrl [12:13 AM]: well i was in the shower
Narzissismus [12:15 AM]: whatever
Narzissismus [12:16 AM]: stop fucking the spic
LaDiDaGrl [12:19 AM]:
Narzissismus [12:24 AM]: i cant beleive your fucking a
black boy
LaDiDaGrl [12:24 AM]: hes not black
Narzissismus [12:24 AM]: still defending the fucker i see
LaDiDaGrl [12:26 AM]: goodbye im too tired for this shit
Narzissismus [12:29 AM]: :-(
Narzissismus [12:30 AM]: :-
Narzissismus [12:30 AM]: :'(
Narzissismus [12:33 AM]: i just missed you and wanted to
see you thats all
Narzissismus [12:33 AM]: :-*
Narzissismus [12:33 AM]: i was thinking about you and was
like oh how id like to see her right now
LaDiDaGrl [12:35 AM]: uh huh
Narzissismus [12:36 AM]: so i called you and couldent get
a chance to hear your sweet voice so i came online hoping
to see you
Narzissismus [12:37 AM]: and i really hope we get a chance
to spend some quality time together over the weekend to
catch up on all the time we've missed during the week now
that they are all hectic and whatnot
LaDiDaGrl [12:37 AM]: yeah with me "fucking the spic" and
all. lol
Narzissismus [12:38 AM]: yeah .. its just i know he is
better looking than me.. i was jealous
LaDiDaGrl [12:39 AM]: yeah and i am tired
Narzissismus [12:40 AM]: no i get nervoue whne guys talk
to you .. i dont want them to take you away
LaDiDaGrl [12:41 AM]: yeah and i get tired when we have
these ridiculous discussions after a 19 hour day.
Narzissismus [12:43 AM]: ok then well i will let you go
then .. have a good night if you must go
LaDiDaGrl [12:45 AM]: goodbye
Narzissismus [12:47 AM]: muah

ugh. get it away from me. no wonder he doesnt know how he
feels, the bullshit so thick around him.
its so different now.. yet both of us still playing our
silly little parts though... still a game.. its sad in a
way, but god knows i give it my all, i gave it even more
than i should have, and.. who can blame me now? well. if
anyone can, i dont care. because i dont.

owww this is so unfair - i just finished my thing, a bad
one, like a week ago. and here it is again really bad.
aint that a bitch.

but i know i'll end up sitting around with dickhead
tomorrow or saturday and so at least i wont be tempted to
do anything meaningless. haha he wont believe me because
ive been saying i was on my thing for weeks now... but
anyway, thats my #1 goal in life right now. to not do
anything meaningless. i think that will guide me in the
right direction for many things.

i like how im seeing the positive side of things more...
like.. my beautiful boy left, BUT thats good cus i wont
fuck him now. like i wasnt GUNA but. silver fucking
lining. and. it sucks that i have my thing again but its
GOOD cus i wont fuck HIM. lol. im not a slut. im not. i
just have all this love. and i cant. well. lets not
finish that and get upset.

you close your eyes, and see me before you,
think you would die if i were to ignore you,
a fool could see just how much you adore me,
get down on your knees and do anything for me...

time to get to bed=) jeans tomorrow!!