psychomagnet

sleeptodreamher
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2003-09-19 04:00:36 (UTC)

sex and my issues thereof


.................

LaDiDaGrl [11:22 PM]: im really horny too
LaDiDaGrl [11:22 PM]: lol
LaDiDaGrl [11:22 PM]: i hate that word.
LaDiDaGrl [11:22 PM]: is there a better word

[11:22 PM]: randy

LaDiDaGrl [11:22 PM]: LOL
LaDiDaGrl [11:22 PM]: i dont like that one either
LaDiDaGrl [11:24 PM]: what else ya got?
LaDiDaGrl [11:25 PM]: I like bored.
LaDiDaGrl [11:27 PM]: i need some good crazy sex

[11:27 PM]: ...i need sex period
[11:27 PM]: i don't even know what its like

LaDiDaGrl [11:28 PM]: yeah its not that great usually
LaDiDaGrl [11:28 PM]: i mean its better with girls.

[11:28 PM]: ew

LaDiDaGrl [11:28 PM]: every time i fuck a guy i feel like
a big whore after.

[11:29 PM]: maybe u should stop fucking guys
then

LaDiDaGrl [11:29 PM]: yeah
LaDiDaGrl [11:29 PM]: i think i will

[11:29 PM]: heh

LaDiDaGrl [11:31 PM]: but its weird, i'd rather sleep
with a guy i dont care about then a girl... all the girls
i've slept with i cared about.

[11:31 PM]: sex is all about being with someone
you care about though

LaDiDaGrl [11:32 PM]: yeah but even with matt i usually
feel dirty. im pretty sure its the penis not the caring.
LaDiDaGrl [11:32 PM]: i mean cus of course i still care
about him. i just dont want to continue on this path
anymore..

[11:32 PM]: i'm glad you actually know this
[11:33 PM]: most just keep pretending
[11:33 PM]: waiting for the answer to kick them
in the face


LaDiDaGrl [11:33 PM]: oh its kicked me many times.

[11:35 PM]: yeah, but think about it. for some
reason you don't see guys doing a lot of that...they're
usually ready to up and go if they know they're not into it

LaDiDaGrl [11:35 PM]: haha not matt
LaDiDaGrl [11:35 PM]: he's going to follow me to the
fucking grave i swear to god

[11:36 PM]: then it's up to you

LaDiDaGrl [11:36 PM]: yeah im working on it
LaDiDaGrl [11:36 PM]: i think its like
LaDiDaGrl [11:39 PM]: Im not logical, Im emotional... so
I KNOW that right now I'm not at all in a place to be in a
relationship, but I have all this love. and so I need
that and even though I know I dont have the time or right
situation at hand for anything I WANT it so if I cant have
it I can just play with pretty boys. Because I cant play
with girls, I fall in love with girls and I dont want to be
wrong, so Im not guna fuck with that... but boys I dont
care, its nevermind.
LaDiDaGrl [11:39 PM]: I thought I was onto somethjing
LaDiDaGrl [11:39 PM]: I lost it
LaDiDaGrl [11:39 PM]: LOL
LaDiDaGrl [11:39 PM]: i saw her tonight
LaDiDaGrl [11:39 PM]: so im all weird

[11:40 PM]: oooh...i guess i can understand...
[11:40 PM]: but does that mean matt's the same
way? is that why he hasn't left? or is it different with
him?
[11:41 PM]: bc if you're both the same way,
then it's never going to be "the right time"....it's always
going to be "inbetween"
[11:41 PM]: what if you left, then got in the
right spot, meanwhile, having your pretty boys (not
matt)....then when you were ready, moved into girls
[11:43 PM]: it just seems that styaing with him
is a stalemate. you don't feel good (at least that's not
how it looks) and he makes you that way. if it were me,
i'd never get to my right place. i'd have to go to figi or
something to get away from everything
[11:44 PM]: but that's me....don't listen to me

LaDiDaGrl [11:46 PM]: yeah i tried that with gainesville
LaDiDaGrl [11:46 PM]: but i fucking hate money.
LaDiDaGrl [11:46 PM]: ugh

[11:46 PM]: would you have made it if you had
security like that?

LaDiDaGrl [11:46 PM]: i know im hoping that soon i'll be
so busy i wont have a choice but to stay away from him
LaDiDaGrl [11:46 PM]: im not sure. i'd like to think so
yes, i mean. i did it, that was pretty big right?

[11:47 PM]: sure was
[11:49 PM]: would it be impossible for you to
drop him (if you moved away again)....could you change your
number and never tell him, could you never speak his name
again, could you find a way to trust a couple close people,
have a couple flings and be happy? after all he's done,
would that make it easier...can you take all that anger and
just burn it?
[11:50 PM]: i've done it
[11:50 PM]: i can do it
[11:50 PM]: i can teach you how


LaDiDaGrl [11:50 PM]: i think i would need to be with
someone else.
LaDiDaGrl [11:50 PM]: as sad as that is.
LaDiDaGrl [11:50 PM]: i cant do it alone.
LaDiDaGrl [11:50 PM]: i cant even buy fucking cigarettes
alone.

[11:50 PM]: why?

LaDiDaGrl [11:51 PM]: i dont know
LaDiDaGrl [11:51 PM]: lol

[11:51 PM]: i wish you could find out

LaDiDaGrl [11:51 PM]: i dont like doing anything alone
LaDiDaGrl [11:51 PM]: but that i dont think i COULD.

[11:51 PM]: huh? you don't think you could if
you tried?

LaDiDaGrl [11:52 PM]: the thing you said.
LaDiDaGrl [11:52 PM]: not the cigarettes lol

[11:52 PM]: oh
[11:53 PM]: wish you could come here in the
spring
[11:53 PM]: you could start in january

LaDiDaGrl [11:53 PM]: i know me too
LaDiDaGrl [11:53 PM]: i wish i didnt have to worry about
money
[11:54 PM]: yeah
[11:54 PM]: fuck, i hate money

[11:55 PM]: dude, there's this girl in my
english class...her name's nada and she's so cute
[11:56 PM]: i think you should go out with her
one day
[11:56 PM]: but i have no clue where she slides

LaDiDaGrl [11:56 PM]: lol
LaDiDaGrl [11:58 PM]: where she slides


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