nin137

Nick's Journal
2003-09-17 23:44:52 (UTC)

Oh wait!

i forgot. it's almost as if i live my life in arrears. or
actually today. geez i never write about days anymore.
today i lived my day in arrears. you know that? you just
aggregate every damn thing you should have done and want
to do into the last few waning hours of the day. or make
that rather, you realize that the only thing left that you
have to "get out of the way" are the fun things.
like for example today i wanted to play video games, but
instead i kept on fucking working all god damn day. sure
i'm a nerd and i shoudl take my priority over my necessity
but everytime i turned around there was more shit.
then i said to myself, "hot sweatin' jesus, it's a nice
day today". and it was. lord you all should have been
there today.
out about and alive. the very few times i can just
appreciate breathing, walking, and taking a dump on a
sidewalk, just for the glory of doing it on such a
beautiful day. and all day long i told myself that i'm
going to enjoy it. and thank god i did. only visceral
stuff i pushed out of my way like the hordes of fucks in
my way on the sidewalk, pushed out all the "pleasures" in
life for the sake of success, but thank god i atleast
appreciated the gift of life and not being mexican.
all day long i bustled around, like a freakin' bee
catering to the queen of society, but i was a happy bee.
we all hustle and bustle it's life you can't hate it, it's
who we are and what we do, but if we can enjoy the process
of aggregating our wishes, and finally indulging. well i
dont even think we ahve to worry about welcoming our wish
at the end of the day, as we've pretty much lived the wish
of many.......and that's to just be happy with what we do
here and now.
sure i havd to aggregate and place in arrears (fucking
financial terms), but atleast when i scream in my
mind, "Oh wait!" i realize that i have nothing to fret or
regret, unknowingly i've made my day.