2003-09-12 03:56:48 (UTC)

what you take wont kill you,

..but careful what you're giving..
can you feel a little love? dream on, dream on...

im ready for bed.. i took a long hot bath in the dark.. and
i feel so nice now, clean and warm and sleepy.. i know that
im tired but i wouldnt have been ready to sleep otherwise,
with so much to do.. but this isnt a bad feeling, its more
like too busy too much on my mind too much to do to be
upset... and the hysterical fits have faded to a resolved
emptiness, knowing theres nothing i can do about it and
knowing i have a lot of other stuf to think about, so much
to do in each day i dont even have that much time to sit
and think about it... but when i drive by a certain place,
hear a certain song, or always when i lay down to sleep, i
wish she was with me... and hope that someday - soon - she
can be... and i hate saying things will work out how they
should its so cliche and cheap and irresponsible, but i
love her, thats all i know, its a little late to know it...
not that i didnt have many moments when i felt love for her
back then, i just made very wrong choices... but. i do
that, everyone does that, and things have slowly been
working out well for me the last week or two... could it be
the praying? (ashley dont make fun of me=) i love you by
the way and i hope i see you saturday.) speaking of
tampa, sort of, lol, cyrana is ashleIGH's roommate, how
funny is that? i told her im jealous lol i want a roommate
as hot as cyrana.

anyway.. and he wont get ahead, even if he gets this job
from me tomorrow, he wont get ahead in life by being mean
and selfish and nasty... he may think he does, but he wont,
and i know that now...

on a lighter more random note, i get to wear jeans tomorrow
to work fuck yeah for that... i really like this job and
the people... still, i hope this graphics guy calls me and
i can work out my schedule, i would love doing that, both
of them, and i would love being that busy, and of course
replenishing my savings account will be good too...

someday, i will live with her i think and we will be the
cutest thing ever with our lizards and purple stuf and us
and... maybe thats ridiculous crazy girl talk i dont know,
but i think about it a lot..

like before i fall asleep and im thinking how i wish she
was here or i was there and end up crying myself to sleep,
almost every single night... but anyway... itd be easier to
think "happy thoughts," but well those ARE happy thoughts
if i dont compare them with reality... hhm yeah.