Euphoric Nothingness
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2003-09-11 04:15:51 (UTC)

Growing Up

Sometimes life brings experiences that causes permanent
changes in us. Sometimes they are positive. Sometimes
they are negative. Many times they are a shade of gray.
A clear cut answer to the lessons from an experience is
not always an immediate realization. Time and maturity
must evolve for a blurred block of color to focus into a
definable picture.

The issue with the truck is one such example that I am
just now begginning to grasp. Through the loss process, I
have learned many things. For example, I learned about
how expensive a rental car can be, how to deal with
mechanics and insurance people. Plus, I firther saw how
important my music is to me and how important it is in my
personal life. Also, I found that the people I surround
myself with are genuinely good-hearted people. However,
my cynical nature towards people in general and my
suspicion in their true motives behind things has been
reaffirmed through this event. The things that one simple
break in and loss of material things has helped me become
a better person in all areas of life.

I guess this is what growing up is all about. Here I sit,
closing in on my 21st birthday in less than 4 months. I
feel like I am mature for my age, especially since I have
moved into my 1 bedroom place. I have accomplished quite
a bit in my youth and am currently putting myself through
school. Right now, I am looking towards graduate school
and my life. I am thinking about hopefully being blessed
with a family and pure happiness. I use the lessons of
these past few to see where I may go and where I am
destined to go.

All this growing up, especially in the past 6 months or
so, is really showing me who I am. The core of my
personality is constant, but my maturity and the people I
surround myself with are evolving. It feels kind of odd
that is going on, but I am assuming it is all growing
pains. I find myself seeking different pleasures and
different things than I might have just a few months ago.
Things are really coming along and the foundation is being

My only concern is the speed at which this is happening.
I am only 20 years old, but I am already thinking
about "settling down" and growing into a full adulthood.
There's not doubt that I am experiencing "the real world",
but it's just kind of odd that I feel so far ahead of my
peers and friends when it comes to to this subject. The
speed of this frowing up is simply staggering and I am not
sure if there's anything I can do about it.