Common Carla

life's so large
2003-09-10 01:52:49 (UTC)

lazy woman

Hey ho here we go
new diary
if my first diary started when I was 10 y old, then this
one at 30 is new?
Or a continuation?
Nah, deftly new for - " I扉e had so many lives, since I
was a child , and I realize, how many times I扉e died" -
Madonna, song " Nobody knows me ", which is
GRRRREEEEAAAT !!!!!!!
I cried so much so much last night, I felt so desperate,
that I got tired today. I felt sick, just like when u have
a flu, and have to move slowly, carefully, cause every
part of your body hurts...and my left nostril is running,
so, I wonder if I really made myself sick for having felt
soooo immnesely miserable yesterday.
Dieter, I hete um, though u have nothing to do with it as
I think of it. Wish soimeone would read this shit, wish
someone loved me for this, I have no talent to write, wish
someone would love for any reason, for being gorgeous,
beautiful, pretty, thin, sexy, intelligent, anything but
being rich, which I am not, nooo, no risk of being loved
because of that- ha ha ha .Nor for ANY OTHER reason above,
since I am fat, and ugly, and my legs are tooo large for
my taste, and the brazilian taste,and I must look really
ugly, I know I do, I just dont have the courage to admit
it and start a fucking diet. I would despise the man who
would fall in love with me after I lost weight.
I am crazy and neurotic and a psychologist. ha , nice
combination, huh?
So, a letter to myself , an ode to all the ? i dont knbow
what in my life, this is pretty ridiculous and self
absorbed- wow, i had never thought that i diary dont need
to be so,m i acnt be about other people, interesting,
anyway, huh...it would be funny if anyone read this, or
made a comment or, but then i悲 have to be creative and
too smart to create a smart name for tyhe diary, for
myself, for the entry, and that just wont happen for i am
LLLLAAAAAZZZYYYY.
and not obstinada.
another language ha? in your face, portuguese, uhm, how
misterious....
be free, smoke city girl like when you sing
"iam flying away now...
goodbye sweet romance", wish I could have this leveza,
lightness, and did not feel the past love so heavy and
sacred.
goodbye....




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