listen to my silences
2003-09-09 20:29:02 (UTC)

some random thoughts before i really start writing

i used to be a completely independent tomboy. i thought
that letting someone do something for me meant that i need
them. i said i never wanted flowers, or doors opened for
me, or someone else paying for my food. and then, someone
did. at first, i resisted against it because i still
wanted to be independent. and i realize how much
it means to me. the flowers, doors, paid meals. not
because i don't have a lot of money now, but because of the
thoughts behind the actions. and i also realized that
letting someone do these things for me doesn't mean that
i'm dependent on them. it means i'm letting them into my
heart, i'm letting them see me. and there's the key: i'm
letting them. not they're making me let them. at any time
i can shut those doors and walk away. i almost did. but
that's for another entry.

final thought: by the way, i still am a completely
independent tomboy.