2003-09-08 01:00:15 (UTC)

time goes by so slowly..

... and time can do so much,
are you still mine?

what an exhausting day. its 8 oclock and im ready to hit
the sack. but i cant. i have a lot of school work to do
that i've neglected the past few days which is scary
because usually i get it all done right away... but today
left me no time for that.. i woke up and had a big problem
because i was talking to her and i freaked out... and im
not guna talk about that but then, on my way to his house
to go to the store and get gas and stuf i decided to
respond to her text message and then i decided to call her
and so i had to circle the neighrborhood...

when i was doing that i see this little white puppy walking
around so i stopped to see if he had a collar.. he was
limping and dirty and so pathetic so i picked him up and
put him in my car...

matt would have nothing to do with it so i took it home
where my mother wouldnt either... caroline said shed go
with me so i was all happy doing something good and seeing
her too, but then her bitch called and she left me.

so i spent the day driving around orlando alone looking for
SOMEONE to take this puppy and no one would. i didnt want
to take him to animal control cus i thought they would kill
him and everyone was like "hes so ugly." =(

but i loved him and he spent the day with me while i did
some thinking and some getting frustrated.. and i was on
the phone with asshole, and he says "i dont know what tell
you adrienne, you have a bigger heart than me" like no
shit. and i thought "oh! georgina!" so i called her up.

and so she came to my house and i talked to her mom which
was fucking weird and then we took the puppy to richards,
but i wouldnt go in because of matt, i felt too bad doing
that dont ask me why, plus i didnt really care to see him
anyway, and then i took her home. it was funny.

unless her mom decides she can take him, im guna take him
to a no kill shelter tomorrow.

and it was an awful, frustrating crazy day, driving around
with this dirty pathetic little puppy and pathetic little
myself and he's barking and i'm crying and it was like 6
hours of it. but i do feel good that i did it. even
though asshole and my mom were like almost to the point of
being mad at me for "wasting my day." i dont care.
because i feel good that i did it.

im so tired. i have work to do and hopefully nothing's
guna fuck up THIS job and i get to work tomorrow YAY!!!!
im excited about this job. but im still guna go to barnes
and noble for the second interview. just in case they can
work around this schedule and i can take both. keep myself
busy and not think about any of this, and keep away from
him as much as possible.

LaDiDaGrl: i hate this.

Sleeplessdaze: i know u do ...dont think im havigna great
deal of fun over this but i take what i can get so im happy
just hanging out at leasr that much u know

LaDiDaGrl: are you? you're not just irritated with me?

Sleeplessdaze: why would i be i mean i feel bad that ur
upset about it and i hate that u write in ur journal shit
like " oh she never cared.......she just wanted SOMEONE "
that pisses me off when im doin the best i can right now

LaDiDaGrl: i guess i make things too complicated in my
head but the way i feel is too simple... in my head because
of how I am i think well if she loved me she still would
and if she doesnt love this bitch i dont understand what
the problem is

Sleeplessdaze: i did and i do but i need to do things for
me and in time i will be free of her but i will still need
to do what i have to do without interuption and its not
against u i will always be here for u and i cant say what
the futur hold but for now i know that i have things to do

Sleeplessdaze: and i still need u as a friend to help me

Sleeplessdaze: i havent given up on u in all the timethat
i have known u

LaDiDaGrl: well i told you i would help you but just know
that it is going to be hard for me for awhile. to deal
with shit like today. and to be around you and not yknow.
grab you and not want to let go like the other day.

Sleeplessdaze: well ill be understanding cause i know how
u feel

Sleeplessdaze: and i know how u are so if u need to hug
and hold on then fine


i think i used to belong here,
but the only way i can tell
is that i miss you still
and i cannot find you here..

i still dont know exactly what went wrong
but now no matter where i go
i always seem to return
to where you left me tattered and torn

and i love you still
no matter how the story may unfold
you know i always will have part of you here


im just tired all around emotionally physically and
mentally exhausted.. im too tired to wonder and analyze and
think about this.. and does it really matter? shes going
to do what shes going to do and im going to feel bad
because its probably just my turn to feel bad.

i guess i might go to the store. and then do some studying
for psych. and get to bed early. big day tomorrow and
all. fuck i have nothing to wear. ugh. bye.