i feel better today.
i decided, regarding chris, to relax. i decided to keep
doing what i am doing, talking to guys, flirting, if one
comes along i like ill go on a date with him. funny, last
night there were 2 guys i couldve gone out with but i dont
really like either of them, so thats that.
i didnt get drunk last night, which is why i think i feel
better today.clear headed.
i did end up going to the beer gardens again with friends,
but i only had 2 drinks over the span of maybe 4 hours. i
just laughed. i was in a mezzomezzo mood at that point, and
it was nice even to be able to be visibly funky and my
friends dont mind. jerry kept trying me make me laugh, which
he did very well, until my mood lifted. laughter is a good
cure for anything really. rita's friend allen was there, in
a football jersey and he looked hot, scrumptious, to me. his
personality is a little hoity toity super duper aloof man
and his mouth distorts a little too much when he speaks, but
he is funny, clever and every time he sort of cuffed my
shoulder to accentuate something i got turned on. this is
how horny i am i guess, the touch of a man, especially one
bigger than you in a football jersey, just got me all wet.
later in the car, he remained pressed against me in the
backseat when the other person got out, after a few blocks
he was like "dont you want me to move?" and i said i dont
care. it was nice, feeling body warmth.
anyway todya i woke up sober, refreshed, to a beautiful day,
perfect weather, soft warm sun, cool breeze, and its
supposed to be like this the rest of the week. not a drop of
goddamn rain. its rained all summer, rainy shitty summer and
at least now summer will end with some summery weather.
so i walked to the park, wrote some, read some, watched the
boats and water and wrote about how maybe i think human
beings are just containers of selfconsciousness that mimic
different aspects of nature. some lives mimic water,
different waters, rough waters, calm waters surrounded by
reefs, dirty water, clean water, water that got fucked over
by an oil spill. some lives are like trees, deep rooted,
reaching for the sky, shedding and growing. like weather,
like the skies, like forests, i dont know. i think like this
about sports too, but nature came first. different sports
represent different kinds of life- even gambling, black
jack.... i was so intrigued, watching black jack, drawling
human life parrallels... anyway this kind of thinking just
goes to show how selfinvolved us humans are, so eager to
define ourselves, some kind of meaning to our exisitence.
i;ve been obsessed with the US open. i can see the blimp
from my window so i know when to turn the tv on to see a
match. tennis is interesting because its one on one. each
player with such a different style, its amazing they can
even play eachother. i dont know how they do it, three hour
matches almost every day.
im gonna finish watchin this mens final. roddick and
ferrero. no agassi this year, last nights womens final with
the two belgian chicks was boring. i missed capriati, she is
my mood has also been slightly better concerning the
upcoming season sinse julie and i planned our trip to italy.
ive never been anywhere with her, and i really cant wait.
italy is good for me, will settle me i think, make me feel
more like myself, and especially all that time with julie,
she is good for me too, the most levelheaded friend i have,
personality wise, i think we are the most similar. i am
exicted. going to book the flight tomorrow. yay!