2003-09-07 17:07:03 (UTC)

and she shines for me.

you know what. the more i think about it the stupider this

i always look back and think oh she loved me so much and
she was so good to me and i fucked it up. well then i read
my old entries about all the shit i put up with about this
cunt bitch fucking big ass and i remember maybe it wasnt
like that at all..

and fuck it. seriously i just cant deal with it... every
time i think someone loves me i look back and say no maybe
not... and i see, she didnt love me she just wanted SOMEONE
and i was there until something else came along... and hes
right no one could love me...

and now ive fucking lost it again and i havent even been
awake for a fucking hour and if i cant make it through an
hour without crying then i dont know what point there is
anymore. fuck it.

so i have two choices.

i can be his whore and have everyone think of me like that
and feel like shit but pretend like he loves me.

or i can be alone and know that no one gives a shit.

yeah thats real tough.

aside from the obvious choice that i dont yet have the
balls for but may soon be pushed far enough over the edge..

and id call him now but i cant even stop crying like all
the past weeks feelings are coming out and i cant stop it

fuck it.