psychomagnet

sleeptodreamher
2003-09-05 21:39:14 (UTC)

hm.

well i didnt get a nap.

but im about to.

maybe. i rush into things. all the time. and i know that
it will be the hardest thing ever, to be alone and not go
back to him all the time... especially if i feel like im
not doing it FOR anything... but if i think of it that way,
the way she put it, if i think of it as time for myself.
is it possible that if i did what i want to do with myself
and only that for awhile that i would straighten myself
out? because i really WANT to be a good person.

thats a difference between me and him, too. i have a
couple fucked up outer layers to get rid of, but i want
to. he has fucked up outer layers and he works very hard
at keeping them.

i think i will take all the jobs. lol. seriously. i
will work 3 jobs and go to school and i wont have TIME for
anything else. except to go to school, and save money.
and make myself happy inside so that i dont NEED to rely on
someone else to do it, and i dont have to always be scared
of fucking things up. i'll BECOME a fucking minimal damage
kind of girl. i'll let out the sweet loving amazing person
that i know is inside somewhere. and in the meantime, i
really think things will fall apart for them anyway. that
sounds awful and bitchy but i really dont believe this is
good for her so it will be for the best. and. i'll help
her get through school. and i'll help me get through
school. yes. maybe everything will be okay. after i take a
nap.