Euphoric Nothingness
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2003-09-03 04:27:45 (UTC)

This Setting, This Moment

I was reading the UCF message board on LiveJournal
tonight. There was a really interesting post that
suggested people come to college to get a job that makes
them more money. The message then asked others why they
were in college. Most people said the money, but then
there was a few that said they truly wanted to be here
right now because they wanted to find themselves and/or
make themselves better.

That made me think. Why am I here at UCF in the Fall of
2003. Well I think that it is very simple. I want to be
here. I want to wake up at 6am 5 days a week so I can
work at the UCF Library and be able to afford putting
myself through college. I genuinely love the challenge of
going after 2 degrees and a minor. And for this moment at
least, I am thriving because I have a desire and passion
to be the first in my family's mediocre and lackluster
history to go to graduate school. It's all ambition.
It's all prestige and precedent. It's all desire and
passion. Simply grouped together: it's all destiny.

Even after realizing all that I have in the past 7 months
since starting this online journal experiment, it's still
there. I feel as if I personally have a destiny. I am
just waiting for either my moment and/or my vision (I have
them from time to time). I think that all
the "adventures" and circumstances that I have been placed
in have helped me to grow and learn as a person and
prepare for my moment, my "Grand Epiphony". In the end, I
truly would like to be percieved as an individual who came
from somewhat ordinary roots, overcome a multitude of
obstacles, and do the extraordinary. And most of all, I
want to do it on MY OWN TERMS.

I know I still have a long way to go to reach my pinnacle
goal, which is unknown at the moment. Every single
situation and experience that I go through is helping me
to become a better person and evolve into the individual
that I need to be. I think I just need to keep doing what
I a doing, ake significant gains in my wisdom, and just be
honest with not only myself, but with the people around
me. I truly believe I am on the right track to get to
where I need to go in this world.

It's probably going to be a long, rough journey for me.
CHances are that I will see a lot of things in my
lifetime. Some of them will be under my control, and some
of them won't be. I think that for now I just have to
keep improving myself and being the best Chris ever on a
consistent basis. Sometimes, that's easier said than
done. I shall persevere. Yeah, I will persevere.......

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