psychomagnet

and then one day you'd realize you've memorized my phone number

and you call it and find its a disconnected line
cus i got tossed out the window of love's el camino
and shattered into a shower of sparks on the curb
you were smoking me, werent you? between your yellow
fingers
you just inhaled and exhaled without stating a word
and where was your conscience? where was your
consciousness? and where did you put all those letters
that you wrote to yourself but could not address?

so go ahead have a taste of your own medicine
and i'll have a taste of mine
but first, let's toast to the lists, that we hold in our
fists,
of the things we promised to do differently next time...
cus im not listening to you anymore
my head is too sore and my hearts perforated
..learning how to be alone, and devastated...
where was my conscience? where was my consciousness?

GOD ITS SO AMAZING.

i just home. i just got off the phone with caroline.. i
was listening to rent on random and that one song came and
i was like. i miss her. and then i got hired at ATT
Wireless. And I was like. I should call and tell her
about the opportunity. And we talked like all my way
home. From UCF. UGH. things are going really well with
matt. but i've been really missing for a long time that
different feeling you have when you have a girlfriend... it
sounds so fucked up. but its not just that. i mean. im
guna go ahead and sound bitchy. but its him. hes an
asshole. i know that and i love him just the same. but i
dont know. this cute chick on facethejury sent me an
email=D yay. that's like the 4th exciting email i've
gotten in the past 24 hours. I got a sweet one from
Ashleigh, a reply from Monica(!) i hadn't heard from her in
forever, one from Erin(!) again hadn't talked to in
FOREVER, and this one from this cute chick in leesburg.
where the fuck is leesburg? anyway.
I think im guna finally just write to that one girl. that
I always read her diary. she reminds me of me a few years
ago and i want to be her friend=) lol. since all my
friends are gone. im not happy. i wish ashleigh could come
back. cus shes not happy there anyway. but she cant. and
dawns so far and im afraid ashley and i are guna drift
apart again especially with her working and going to
gainesville on her spare time and im just not happy about
that. not to mention claudia may as WELL be out of town as
much as i see her. so whatever.

school was exciting=) i wish i could go every day
forever. our english teacher is retarded though. i felt
like i was like back in elementary school. it was
insulting how slow she was. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE my
humanities teacher and my psych teacher is not bad and who
cares cus im so excited about that class anyway. so it's
overall not bad.

I'm guna call the baby place I interviewed at today. Cus
I'm so anxious about it. I'm like PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GOD
LET THEM HIRE ME. even though ATT is 10.50/hr with a free
unlimited phone. I'd rather take $7/hr and rock babies to
sleep. PLEASE? I think I deserve something nice happening
to me.

i'm fighting this cold really bad. I've been drinking
orange juice and hot tea and taking all this echinacea and
nyquil at night and it's not going away=( I remember
Christina saying once that she would feel like she was
getting sick and she would say "I'm not going to be sick"
and she wouldnt be or something. Thats pretty cool. I
mean. It's kind of a load of shit I think. LOL. But it's
a nice idea and if it works for her. then hell yeah.

I'm mad cus I wrote a LOT last night and then I got kicked
off. So I'm probably leaving out something important.
But oh well.

I'm guna call that place, have dinner with my Mom and take
a nap cus I am soo tired and I DONT want to be sick.