Yet Another Guy Named Matt

Serious Fucking Journalism
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2003-08-24 08:17:23 (UTC)

I watch too much television

After much soul searching, I have come to the decision that
I simply must have a more inspired ringtone than any other
cell phone user in this hellhole college town of mine.
Therefore, effective immediately, whenever anybody attempts
to contact me, I will be notified of the incoming
communication with the glorious strains of the theme song
from the hit 1970s sitcom Sanford and Son. Once again, I
put all my fellow tuition payin' chumps here to shame. Now
I can now truthfully claim to have the phattest beats ever
to immanate from a Nokia.

I'm sick and tired of people engaging in mindless hyperbole
when it comes to the information one can obtain via the
Internet. You can't find everything you could possibly
think of folks so stop saying otherwise. Case in point:
After a marathon google.com session, I still had not
yielded a solid piece of Major Dad-related fan fiction. In
fact, I found very few pieces of general information
pertaining to the late 1980s series starring Gerald
McRaney. It is almost as if CBS in conjunction with parent
company Viacom and an unidentified third party (possibly
the Freemasons or maybe even the Grays) is engaging in a
vast coverup in order to erase all evidence of the
program's existence. C'mon you filthy corporate whores.
Stop picking on Major Dad! I thought this was a time in
which every single man, woman, and child in America was
expected to exhibit unwavering support for our troops both
real and pretend. Nevertheless, here you are pissing all
over a man who wants nothing more than to pretend to be a
Marine and illicit laughter from an audience via his
awkward interaction with his comically mismatched liberal
wife. What's next? Are you going to court marshall Gomer
Pyle?


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