xiaobaibai

penny for your thoughts
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2003-08-23 14:47:46 (UTC)

I can't believe myself!

I hate myself!!!!!!! I can't believe it.. Just when i
manage to convince myself to give up on LOVE, I go read a
novel and BANG! I'm right smack back into feeling all gooey
and soft inside. I'm such a total weakling!

No wonder most heartless women don't read no love novels.
Hah! Why is it so hard for me to be heartless? It really
isn't so bad you knoe. At least I would be more rational
than I am now. Ruled by the head and not the heart. So what
would i be like? Would the person i am now hate the person
that i wish to become?

It was almost a huge disappointment when i finished reading
the book just now. I sincerely wished the story could have
gone on a little longer, then i wouldn't have to leave the
magic of it.

Maybe thats why love stories always hold so much appeal and
seem so "perfect". Just like love songs. Becos you only
hear the best part of the love. The part where love is the
strongest and the sweetest. And it ends at the point where
everything is wonderful and just starting. Everything is
always "perfect" when its just starting. I know MOST of my
relationships are.

This heroine was different from most all the other heroines
i read about in other books. She reminded me so much
of....me! Her failures in relationships, reasons for
staying with jerks and thinking herself to be in love with
them. It just felt all too familiar as i read on, and it
seemed to hold up a mirror and show a reflection of a part
of me in there. Reasons that i never managed to put into
words just wrote itself out in there.

Well, she managed to find her knight. I know i don't have
one, but at least i don't feel so despairingly towards
love. Still, i wish i could write my life out myself. That
i was a character in a story and my life comes alive
everytime my story is read. It wouldn't have been TOO bad,
knowing that the other half of me has been written into
existence with me in the story. No chance of meeting Mr
Wrong anymore.


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