Kat Eyes
2003-08-18 19:04:40 (UTC)

i couldn't do it...august 18, 2003

i was going to do it last night. honestly. i had the words
on the tips of my fingers (i was forced to be on aim
through my phone) but events that happened to him stopped
me from doing it. he kept refusing to call me and tell me
what happened, but he did tell me that his rents told him
that his brother is worth 100 times more than he was, and
that his whole day had been like that. so i didn't do it. i
couldn't. i can't think or anyone who would have. i put the
mirror under my pillow again (ledgend is that if you put a
mirror under your pillow then you dream about the one you
truly love) but all i dreamed about was me breaking up with
him. i was sitting practically on top of him, and my old
kittens, crash and bruiser, were walking around. it was so
strange. joey wasn't involved at all, as far as i remember.
i feel horrible. and it dawned on me that joey talks to
tatum every once in awhile. what if he starts to talk to
her about what i said? she has NO clue and she will tell
david. i wish that my journal entries could be more
interesting in the event that soemone actually reads them.
i guess my journals are really just my place to bitch. and
i bitch a lot. but i guess its better for my to type out my
frustrations and thoughts than to act upon them, say them
out loud or keep them bottled up inside. writing them down
kind of allows me to examin them and deal. like math...its
just easier to write out the work and go from there. and
its so strange how i have kept up this diary since i
started school in freshman year. no matter where i have
been, i usually write here. how strange.