2003-08-17 08:38:13 (UTC)

sweet caroline, good times never seemed so good...

uh huh

its 430 am.

my sleep is all fucked up now from matt's new schedule and
this beach thing.

why do i keep on missing her? im sure tonight its cus dawn
mentioned her. but whats my deal. shes made it clear she
doesnt want me around. ignoring my emails and messages.
which i can understand and im sure is best. and best for my
relationship. but. i dont know. i was a bitch when i
went to gainesville. just like always. and then i sit and
think. why was i a bitch. cus she was amazing. not
perfect. but she was so good to me. and i really miss
that. its not just that. i was doing this thing for face
the jury. lol. whatever. and i was thinking about what i
liked in girls. whats wrong with me. maybe its cus im
sick. lol. because she used to take care of me when i was
sick. he used to, too. but the difference being, he has
me now and he isnt. not at all. not even trying. and
before, i always knew i was cared about. never felt like
the worthless sidenote. mmhmm. i need more medicine. im all
delirious. whats with me. she said that once. about me
and claudia. delirious and slaphappy. and i was just
talking to ashleigh about how i always twitch before i go
to sleep. and how caroline teased me about it. this is
such a bunch of bullshit. i have so much important shit i
need to be worrying about and dealing with and im sitting
here like a fucking retard. i need to fucking go to sleep.